These are testimonies of alienated family members from all over the world. This is but a brief look into the hell of alienation. Please take the time and read their grief. We pray first that it helps many understand more that alienation is abuse and second that those of you who are suffering are not alone. Praying for all of us.
Also I would ask those who have successfully reunited with your loved ones to share your story here as well. This would be much of an encouragement to those who have not. Thanks.
I have four grandchildren from my oldest son. One of these grandchildren has been adopted by bio mom's family. The other three have been alienated and abused at the hands of bio mom and dad the oldest 22 who was shuffled from home to home first dad(son) had custody then he lost everything to drugs and bio mom(alcholic) got custody then she was in foster care and eventually my daughter was given guardianship of her at the age of thirteen. She has lasting scars. My littlest two who live right across the street since October 2012, prior to that they lived at my house for 2009-2012, are being punished and not allowed to see me because of the narcisisstic cult of one, my son's wife. When my son moved in with this woman(day care provider for my gd) is when she took over ownership of my son and gk's who are now six and eight. After they moved over there I saw them every weekend for six months then nothing for six months. Hired an attorney, went to mediation got limited visitation for six more months and then to family court, where the judge did not even know the grandparents rights law in our state and took away my limited visitation schedule in April, 2014 since then I have not seen them. I appealed going to mediation August 28, 2014 if nothing can be resolved there the a three court appeals judge panel will decide.
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My gk's have been denied the right to grow they are not involved in any outside activities, they stopped going to play therapy, swimming lessons, gymnastics lessons and summer camps. She has changed their pediatrician, they dentist, has taken me off all contact lists. Immediately did a change of address for them, got their ss cards and birth records. My son physically abuses my gs and wife calls them names, grounds them, will not let them call me all with the knowledge of my son. There is so much more to this story but this is it in a nutshell.
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I am so pleased to have a public forum and a way to fight the sick people who tear our loved ones away from us. In my case, I saw my son become someone I did not know anymore when his loyalty moved to his girlfriend. She effectively took him away from his sister and me and it has been over five years. I've been through breast cancer treatment and he told someone I was making it up. I previously enjoyed a very close and loving relationship with him, and so did his sister, his only sibling. Never in a million years did we see this coming. My son and the woman just bought a house together, and for all I know are planning a family. Even if he never escapes from his self-imposed prison, I am willing and ready to join the parents and grandparents who will fight for the God-given right to have a relationship with their grandchild.
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My granddaughter said to me last year her fears for the children living in her father's home because of his anger and readiness to hit them (this is what she said during the time placed in CPS):
"I am afraid and worry for my sisters, I can't be there with them. I want to see them again."
All her other notes were for the judge concerning her wishes to live with me because of the treatment at the group homes.
I'll send you more from family members as our lists grow.
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I would like to share my story. I only have my phone so please excuse any grammar error. One of my earliest memories was asking about my father. I was five. My mom told me she was raped and tossed me a name. Kenny Blackbird. She was fifteen when she gave birth to me. She has varied the story over the years so now I have no idea what's real or not. I am desperate to find the truth but I only know I was conceived in Oklahoma on the Fourth of July. I also know he has a child named Amanda who is about five years older than me. Because of all of this my life has been a series of question marks. A family tree project in Jr High had me in tears. Rather he was a good man or a bad man is beside the matter. Somewhere I have a sister and grandparents and a whole other life that was denied me. I should have had a choice.
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I hope this finds you and your family well and happy. Unfortunately, my family aren’t and this is why I have chosen to write to you. I have previously written but as you are far too important to be bothered with “trivial” matters, my letter was forwarded to an “appropriate department.” However, as much as I understand that you are indeed very busy, I feel the department was not appropriate and this situation is far from trivial.
First, let me apologise. Open letters are awful. For both the writer and the recipient, particularly in a situation such as this. But the situation I and many others face is awful and it needs to be brought to light so hopefully you will understand my decision to be open here.
I am writing to you on behalf of every family, my own included about parental alienation. The act of abuse that is refusing children and parents contact. This is a form of abusing the non resident parent by removing the rights of both the parent and child. It is an act of cruelty and as far as I’m concerned, a hate crime against children and parents.
This is happening worldwide. Very little, other than the vast efforts of alienated parents doing all they can to raise awareness whilst facing the crushing living grief on a daily basis is being done to help and prevent this abuse. This is not acceptable. Children’s services aren’t interested, the children’s ministers seem very dismissive and even schools are ignoring the fact that it is happening.
I have always thought my country to be a compassionate place, where our rights are among the best in the world. We send aid that I’m sure given the state of things we have to live with we can ill afford to give. All fantastic? But sadly I was mistaken. Having had to live with alienation for the best part of four years, I have found out that my country is not a compassionate place and that human rights are merely an illusion.
The rights of my child and many, many others in my country have been removed. The reason for this is to cause hurt and pain. Believe me, it works. But sadly, the hurt and pain doesn’t just affect the parent, it affects the child too. They are denied the right to know their parent, to have a relationship with them and in most cases, are brainwashed into hating the missing parent. For no other reason than hatred. This causes confusion, grief, fear, the list here is endless so I won’t go on. After all your time is precious. But you get the gist? Families are being torn apart by hatred.
Awful, isn’t it?! But sadly, in the my country, it seems that this is a perfectly acceptable situation. And here is where the problem lies. This isn’t, in any way acceptable. Children are not weapons. They are human beings with rights. But for some reason, this doesn’t matter. This goes ignored. And I’d like to know why. Why it is we live in a country that seemingly has the some of the best human rights in the world is this acceptable?
I’ve been advised to employ the services of a solicitor. Reasonable advice, but solicitors cost vast amounts of money. I simply cannot afford this. Legal aid isn’t an option for me so this is out of the question. For myself and countless others. So, where do we go? What do we do?
This also raises a very good point about human rights. If rights are removed and you can’t pay the extortionate rates that family solicitors charge, doesn’t this make them priveliges and not rights? Human rights should be free and protected. Not something that only the privileged can afford. Do we really live in a country where this is the case? Has the UK really sunk this low that money stands between a child and their right to know their parents? That it takes money to stop the emotional abuse attached to having those rights removed for no other reason than to abuse another? If this is the case then I’m actually disgusted to be a citizen of a country that tolerates this.
As Prime Minister, is there anything you can do to help this? To prevent further abuse? To reunite families that have been torn apart? Is there any hope at all or do our children have to continue to suffer? My two children have never met each other. A brother and sister, perfect strangers because of hatred and lack of money. Acceptable? Not at all.
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My ex hit me up side the head and that was the moment when my ex and I separated, we shared joint custody of our daughter. Three days at his house and 3 at mine...and we lived next door to each other to make it easier for our child. It was when I went out on a date that it started. He told our daughter stories when he had his time with her. Stories that I was a drug addict, dating a child molester and that she was not safe with me any longer and a lie put me in jail for 48 hours and allowed him to get a restraining order against me to keep me away from my only child.
When my daughter told me that she couldn't come to my house any more...I was crushed.....and I never saw any of this coming. I didn't know about parental alienation...so the lawyers came in and I had to prove that I was not a drug addict, that the guy I was dating was not a child molester...and had to agree to a court appointed therapist that I thought would be able to help my daughter. Instead, the therapist made matters worse by believing everything that my daughter said about me...the exact same words as my ex. The humiliating drug test that I passed, the $1500.00 psychiatric evaluation and all the witnesses in the world did no good at all. All this did was to buy more time to brainwash my child and after the second lawyer and more lies...my child had abandoned me.
My only child is now 15 and has aged out as they say. I have no relationship with her at all. Almost 4 years my daughter has not had a mother. I pay my child support...I did everything the court asked of me....If only the court could have recognized that no 12 year old child should know how to spell pedophile.....
I sure hope that my story can help someone to never have to live the hell that is my life and my daughter's life.
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Where do I start
I raised my Grandson from birth till he was 4 years old he was taken away from me by his mother I have no comunication with him what so ever she had us arrested for tresspasing on the land we gave her only to lose the land I have not laid eyes on him but only from a distance since he has been gone I have been crying for 4 years the state of Alabama has done nothing to help the county I live in Cullman has done nothing to help. I grieve for him daily he is my world next to God I dont see why we cant get somthing done about this
You Should Never use your child as a Weapon. Altho there not together his dad wont talk to me either where does it end children should have rights.
They were gonna abort him and I put my foot down I dont believe in it he turned 8 yesterday its HURTS I will never get over losing my precious and only grandchild.
Thanks for listening I hope you can help.
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I have not been allowed to see my GC for more than 2 years because I objected to holiday plans. Prior to this infraction I had unlimited contact with my GC. We had always been close to our son who said that he wanted us to raise his children in the event of his and his wife’s death. For having an opinion I was cut off from my son and his children. I live 10 miles from them. This is the mental state of today’s parents. These people are raising the next generation of cruel insensitive people who will run this country 30 years from now. How scary is that!
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The corrupt court system permitted my children to be alienated from their parent, entire extended family, friends, and all they have known and loved by paying the alternator to relocate them half way across the country.
What do you tell your child who calls and asks, "When can I see you again?" The alternator tells my children that it is the judge who is not allowing us to spend together. This is a lie. The child abuse stops now!
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I separated 17 years ago from my husband and farming partnership. We had 2 girls aged 15 and 12 years. I moved into town off the farm and the girls came too. I was always their mainstay and indeed felt like a solo parent nearly all of the time I was married. My husband worked long hours off the farm our entire marriage and I came to the conclusion he did not want to even have a meal with us as after my eldest was about 11 years old, I realised that it wasn't going to happen unless there was a guest for dinner, in which case he would show up at the last minute and take centre stage (as if it were always like this).
Anyway, I probably stayed in the violent, abusive, isolating marriage far too long and in the end he was happy for me to go and indeed helped push me out as he had someone else in the wings. Never-the-less, the separation was civil as we always tried in front of the children but once he was on his feet and didn't need to, he reverted to his old self and we became estranged. To the point that even if there was something important to discuss re the girls, he would not want to give me the time to even talk to himand would insult me immediately saying more or less don't take up his time. I know him of old, and was of strong character so quickly realised that I could not include him in anyarenting decisions.
Moving on from this, my girls stayed with me for about 2 years but chose to go home to the farm pretty well every weekend. I respected this decision as it was not their fault that their parents split and I moved them away from their home ( even though they were happy to go live in town after years on an isolated farm) . During this time, they started not wanting me at their netball games (which I had been the junior coach , instigator, taxi, sideline mother since they were 8 years old). Also, my eldest told me she phoned her dad even though she knew he wasn't home - just to hear his voice on the answer phone. This rang alarm bells for me and I told her so (as kindly as I could as it was like a jilted lover would do). Her dad already had a live-in lover However, we didn't argue about it and my eldest (then 17) decided to leave school and move out to the farm permanently. Again, I did not oppose this, feeling that this was her right if that is what she wanted to do.
However, as I thought, she ended up being very lonely out there and just picking up, doing chores, cooking etc for her dad. So what she did then was pull my youngest daughter to move back home too. Going out of her way to pick my youngest up and take her to school. Phoning her all the time and not wanting to talk to me or see me and making out that I was not up to scratch as a mother (although, there was no reason and no altercation between us). My youngest was quite happy living with me but at 15 years old and close to her sister, she decided to go.
I didn't hear from them at all unless I phoned and mostly they just laughed and put the phone down if I dared say anything like motherly care or concern. This time was like the death of my family to me . I grieved and was hurt . However, did not confront them about this for fear of them showing the disrespect and uncaring behaviour they were already showing when I expressed any concern over teenage parties and driving they were doing and where I had no control and could not talk to their father about either.
I am telling you all this as this is the long lead up to my present situation. This was the pattern that was emerging from 17 years ago.
They are now aged 34 and 30. They are both married and have children. I have been allowed back Into their lives off and on ever since - generated by where my eldest daughter is in her life I.e. If she could use me, then I am reeled back in as long as I am seen and not heard so to speak) and perform the tasks she wants me to do I.e. Provide a home for her when her flatting situation collapsed ; help her out financially; help her fight a court case or job controversy; help her through a broken heart; help with her child care and purchasing their needs when she was financially strapped; help listen to her marriage problems and help pay for her wedding. Put up with her stealing a lot of money out of my account and only admitted it when the police discovered who it was.
During the past years I have been estranged for up to 3 years at a time by her, she just dictates the terms and I have no ulternative but to go along with it and hope for any crumbs of recognition/involvement she chooses to give me. She will be nice when it suits and not when it doesn't. However during this time, of course I developed a great love for her 2 children aged 9 and 5 now and they love me too. Although at first, my daughter encouraged this, This has become a bone of contention between us now for about 4 years. Once she realised that having children is now just a bind to her, her behaviour towards them has become quite hard and unforgiving / unloving and selfish. I hasten to add that she does not abandon her children and has to do a lot with them as she is now bringing them up on our family farm (my ex-husband has put a house on for her and her family plus a hairdressing salon as she is a qualified hairdresser now) so she has a lot to do with the small community school, driving her kids to meet the school bus, etc. although she does have reprieve when her husband is home from work and her dad is also home on the farm as they involve the children and also look after them when she is hairdressing or needs to go out. I.e. She usually has a ready babysitter on her doorstep. Hence my eldest daughter does not need me again now, particularly as she in as been more and more uncomfortable with my growing relationship with my grandchildren. I hasten to add here that I did not confront her on anything as I know that she will cut me off as she has previously and I would not see my grandchildren again.
However, a few days before Xmas when I went out to babysit the girls, I took a reindeer ornament for the house. My daughter hit the roof immediately shouting at me she didn't want it and was completely obnoxious to me saying she didn't want anything I took out to them, they don't play with any of my gifts and she didn't need me anyway. I dared to agree with her when she said she did not care what her children wanted. She then subjected me to a barrage of full-blown bellowing into my face, so I slapped it (not hard). She then was completely calm and said that I was a violent woman and everyone will hear about this. I was then not allowed to Xmas even though I had travelled 12000 miles to see them. I moved here 3 years ago as it all became too unbearable back then when she tended to befriend my sisters -2 of whom don't have children and they jumped at having a family around them. They have not been part of my life much whilst I was bringing up my children but have now come back in to find some sort of family closeness (which has been sadly lacking as our parents divorced and moved away years ago). They were not interested in my problems with my girls and loved having the parties, dinners and family times with my girls. I must admit I was finding it hard at the time to be the strong provider/mother that my girls might have liked as I was full time working in a stressful job as a solo middle aged woman. Keeping a house together with no support. Where as my sisters had partners, financial support and were being treated respectfully by my girls.
As I stated before, this has been ongoing for some time.
My youngest daughter is nicer and more balanced than her sister but has told me that her sister will always come first as she has always been there for her and she will not discuss her with me at all. She will also keep me out of family occasions if her sister is there.
I am now resigned to a skype call sometimes once or twice a month to my youngest daughter who also has a baby and has just become pregnant again. She does not want me to help her as I often offer to come back home and help out, particularly as she does not have good pregnancies and her son recently had a bad accident but she does not want it and did not want my help when she had her first. I did respect this as they want to do this themselves and have lots of friend and family support from my sisters, her sister, her father and step-mother, her mother and father Inlaw and of course her very hands on supportive husband, So when I am there, I find I'm just a visitor whom they have to accommodate every now and then.
This may sound like I am feeling very sorry for myself and that I put the blame on everyone else for my predicament. I just had to give you the run down on what has happened I my particular case. I have my theories as to why it has happened but you only want a short story.
I try to phone my estranged daughter every family birthday but she just puts the phone down. I send presents, cards, emails, regularly but have not heard back from her and didn't expect to - knowing how she has made this stand. But I send them anyway as that is what I want to do.
I heard recently from my other daughter, that I shouldn't send so much stuff as it's like I want to buy their love!! I can't do right for doing wrong in other words. Not sure where to go from here. Needless to say, the grief and overwhelming despair is constantly with me as I struggle to make sense of it all and keep working and trying to make a life for myself. Although I know I will want to go back to see my new grandchild when born next year. Which fills me with fear. I, don't dare to look forward to it as I was more or less turned away last year and the year before. I think It will be a case of being allowed in to see it, hold it, then see and hold it before I return to my country, that will probably be it meanwhile they will get together with the rest of the family to see my new grandchild and I will go to friends to console me all the while. Wishing I could be part of my family.
Hope this is enough info for your needs. Please advise if anything else required. And I would like to know and how I can see the stories on your website
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In August 2010 my daughter (my only child) who was expecting my first grandchild called to tell me she had a very special birthday gift for me on September 25. She asked me if I would accompany her and her husband to their doctor’s appointment on that day to see the baby on an ultrasound and then find out the gender of my first grandchild. We talked many times in anticipation of that day. When I got to her house my daughter met me at the door. As we walked in my son-in-law barely looked at us and never spoke. My daughter looked uncomfortable. She pulled me aside and told me we could not go in to the appointment with her after all. I could tell that there was an issue brewing with her husband and decided it would be best if we just left.
That day after her appointment my daughter and her husband posted on facebook that I had attempted to force my way into their appointment when it should have been a private moment between an husband and wife! I was then told I would NEVER see this baby nor have any part of her life. This little girl has a very large and loving extended family that want to know her.
My son-in-law is from a very dysfunctional and sordid family. The parents held swap parties on the weekends while the boys were growing up.
That life perverted my son-in-law. A friend of theirs came to me concerned about my daughter’s safety. She showed me a video on the internet of my daughter. In the video my daughter was talking with a man as if it were an interview. They made fun of us for teaching Sunday School. She tells her boyfriend she loves him. Then six men proceed to slap my daughter around, spit in her mouth, have sex with her in every way you cannot imagine and degrade her like nothing I have ever seen. It was clear from her eyes she was drugged. There were more videos I would not watch. She ended this one when the man told her to wave at her mother and tell her what a good little whore she is.
The parents of this precious baby have live sex with friends as they broadcast it over the internet to perverts who pay for this service.
That is the life my granddaughter is growing up in. My daughter’s goal in life now is to be a big name porn star. The courts and attorneys tell me that being in porn does not mean a mother is unfit. And the line I have come to hate; unless you show the child is being subjected to drugs or has been touched there is no case. My heart aches as I worry what my granddaughter sees and hears. My arms ache to hold her.
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I am an alienated father for 10 years. Ever since the beginning of the divorce. I have not heard anything, nor do I know anything about my two daughters for the last 3 years.
I did everything possible to be a part of my daughters' lives before and after the divorce. After the divorce, my ex cut off all communication between me and my daughters and my family. They did not answer nor return phone calls, except a handful, literally about 5 phone calls in 10 years.
All information was hidden from me, including my ex Baker acting my blind daughter under suspicious circumstances; She charged my totally blind daughter with Battery against her under suspicious circumstances.
I was told by the therapist that performed my ex's first Personality inventory that my ex was a Sociopath. Whenever a Judge would find her at fault, or she was found out by someone else like her own attorney, my blind daughter would go the Emergency Room the same, or the next day.
My ex's MMPI summary came back with "evidence of Aggression, Antiosocial Behavior, and Problems with Authority". She scored on the Psychopathic Deviant Subscale. I was told by a Therapist working with the Parent Coordinator, that the Parent Coordinator was having sex with my ex. The Parent Coordinator hid the results of my ex's first psychological test from the Judge, to protect himself.
My ex claimed to be: 1. a "master manipulator who could outspin the spinners" and 2. that "she could control any man through sex"
She has proven that to be true with the P.C. and very likely 2 Judges.
It is difficult to get anything done when the entire process has been adulterated. All the while my ex has held my daughters hostage, as a Dept. of Children Families veteran has stated.
When my ex has been found at fault, my daughters have paid a price. When she was disciplined at work, my blind daughter was removed from her school without, cut off from all social contacts, and then driven into clinical depression without any information to me. She has tried to keep me from having any information or contact with my daughters, so that she could control the message and their minds.
When the Judge finally wrote the order he promised 16 months earlier stating that if there was any more contempt, there would be a jail sentence, the next day an accidental phone call came to me after I was asleep. The call went to voicemail. It sounded as though the now 3rd ex husband walked in on my ex trying to do something sexual with my 16 year old daughter. You can hear my ex trying to place the blame on my daughter for what she was doing with our daughter, when the 3rd ex husband walked in on her.
It has been hopeless to get anything done in the courts, because I believe the Judges were compromised.
There are 3 generations of this alienating behavior by the mothers in my ex wife's family. My parents have been married for 62 years, and love one another. They have not seen my daughters in most of 10 years because of the alienating behavior of my ex and her mother.
I love my daughters and have done everything thing I had the resources to do to be there for them, to communicate that I love them, and that I am still here for them. It has proven ineffective when Judge's, who have clearly seen her at fault, and made threats, but won't carry these threats out.
My heart goes out to all the other alienated parents and grandparents. I pray for a day that Parental Alienating is labeled, "Child Abuse" and steps are take in the Courts to protect these children from the disturbed parents who have perpetrated on them in every way.
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This is my story, I have a daughter who was born with a terrible rare disease a form of cancer, her body makes to many Lymph nodes and they have no where to go but to create tumors all through her body,my daughter has had two surgeries to find out the second time that when air hits it spreads, she was told at the age of 15 she would be lucky to live through her twenty's she is now 35 years old, she suffers in pain so much, Doctors told her she will either be smothered or paralyzed which ever comes first, so at the age of 15 she was put on narcotic's and took them for all these years, her living an attics life was no fault of her own with no help for some one like my daughter.
My daughter was told that she would not have any children at the age of 15, when she turned 24 years old she had her first baby boy, then another baby boy, then a little girl, she was so happy to have them to love, we all was so blessed to have them, some time after she had her last baby she started taking more of her medicine, her body had gotten immune so she started taking more and more, then she started on morphine, CPS showed up at her apt asked her to take a pee test with no warrant and took her children, The childrens Dad was clean no drugs but they still took the children, we spent over $13000.00 trying to keep the children in the family, My daughter was terminated within 3 months, her oldest brother and his wife tried to get them, they had not ever been in trouble but CPS said it was to late, she was not offered any professional help or hope, just to do for herself, finally about a year later she found out about a drug called subutext, I'm not sure if I am spelling it right, she had to go out of state to get it and was paying out of her pocket, she said it was a miracle, she no longer craved narcotic's and was gaining some weight and felt normal, it help some with pain but not all, the main thing is it helped her get off nacotic's.
So you see, if someone would have cared enough and not done her this way, I would not be having to fight to see my grandchildren, it breaks my heart for those children to think that we didn't fight for them, for them to be lied to, and for them to think their mother will die before they can see her. CPS has been nothing short of cold and cruel to do this to a family with no remorse. The children was taken from a different county where my daughter was living.
Thank You Family Access for giving us hope
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Alienation. A word that certainly describes the situation my family is experiencing.
The mother of our child, whom is now 14 years old, took it upon herself to relocate from our home town. She moved there because she fell in love with a man from another state. They wanted to move and live happily ever after together.
When I discovered she wanted to move away (she never told me she was moving), I made an application to Supreme Court to block the move. The Judge denied my application even after I showed through personal testimony and providing a number of affidavits speaking of the fact that I was indeed a good father, and I am a great father. The Judge though said, “I am not here to babysit the two of you…it will be up to you both to come up with a fair visitation plan.”
I provided proof and testimony that my ex frequently denied me the court ordered access I was provided in Supreme Court. However, because she was awarded full custody, the ex had the final say. I had no recourse. This is how our family courts work.
Fairness and equality are not in existence in family courts here in Canada. In the 10 years we were separated (divorced for 9 years), I maintained my efforts to be a great Dad and my daughter knows and feels that. And anyone who has seen us together can see the love between Father and Daughter.
So why does the Mother act maliciously? Mean? Unfairly? To both me and her own daughter and, to the rest of our daughters family? I may never get an answer. All I want is what is best for my daughter. Moving her away from her home, her Dad, her last surviving Grandparent and the rest of her family was wrong.
Since they left last September, my contact with my daughter has been cut off. For the first 8 months, I had no contact what so ever. I did not know their address for 4 months. I sent letters and packages and many were returned. When I finally got contact, it was great. We spoke for a few minutes on the phone but it was cut short by her Mother. Contact since that phone call has been minimal.
Why would a parent do that to their child and to the other parent? It is beyond my scope of understanding. It is painful to lose a child. I can only guess what it might be like for my little girl.
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Anniversaries.
We often mark a date on a calendar to signify an event we want or need to remember. Could be a marriage, a birth, getting that new job. Or it could be important to remember where you are and what happened to you and your loved ones.
In August of 2004, my wife left me. She was on her third affair. At the time, I was not aware at all. Our daughter was 4 years of age and keeping my family intact was very important to me. I loved my wife and forgave her for the first affair. It was after our 1st pregnancy ended in a miss-carriage. (The second affair I did not find out about until 1 year after she left me in 2004).
She took our daughter for a weekend away to see her Mom, my daughters Grandmother. And she never came back to our family home we made. So, I quit my job and moved to to be close to my daughter. For the most part, in the first few years, the visitation was pretty consistent. Little did I know at the time of our divorce that many Fathers (Mothers are awarded custody in about 85% of cases) get the “standard” access agreement; every other weekend and every Wednesday. I accepted…I had no choice.
The fellow she had the affair turned out to be a Bully, to me and my family. A real piece of work, as some would describe. He would often pick up my daughter in front of me and hide her from me behind his body. It was hard on her as she screamed for me. It was hard on me as well. The only thing I could do was blow kisses to my daughter, tell her I loved her and walk away.
On my daughter's 6th birthday, I picked her up from school, we went shopping for a new dress and went out for a very “grown-up” dinner…that’s what she wanted….very cute, by the way. At 8pm, I brought her home to her Mothers house. I said goodbye, left the house and was immediately assaulted with a piece of wood. The “bully” was waiting for me. He grabbed me by the hair and pounded my face into the sidewalk. I was left in a very bad state. Police were called, he was arrested and later charged and convicted.
Once my face healed and stiches came out, my ex and I met with our daughter to have a family conference.The Bully, was no longer in our lives, we both told our daughter. This was a decision her Mother and I made together when she came to visit me in Emergency.
Two weeks later, my ex was back with the Bully. That is but one nasty chapter in my and my daughters life.
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Alienation. A word that certainly describes the situation my family is experiencing.
The mother of our child, whom is now 14 years old, took it upon herself to relocate from our home town She moved because she fell in love with a man . They wanted to move and live happily ever after together.
When I discovered she wanted to move away (she never told me she was moving), I made an application to Supreme Court to block the move. The Judge denied my application even after I showed through personal testimony and providing a number of affidavits speaking of the fact that I was indeed a good father, and I am a great father. The Judge though said, “I am not here to babysit the two of you…it will be up to you both to come up with a fair visitation plan.”
I provided proof and testimony that my ex frequently denied me the court ordered access I was provided in Supreme Court. However, because she was awarded full custody, the ex had the final say. I had no recourse. This is how our family courts work.
Fairness and equality are not in existence in family courts here in my country. In the 10 years we were separated (divorced for 9 years), I maintained my efforts to be a great Dad and my daughter knows and feels that. And anyone who has seen us together can see the love between Father and Daughter.
So why does the Mother act maliciously? Mean? Unfairly? To both me and her own daughter and, to the rest of our daughters family? I may never get an answer. All I want is what is best for my daughter. Moving her away from her home, her Dad, her last surviving Grandparent and the rest of her family was wrong.
Since they left last September, my contact with my daughter has been cut off. For the first 8 months, I had no contact what so ever. I did not know their address for 4 months. I sent letters and packages and many were returned. When I finally got contact, it was great. We spoke for a few minutes on the phone but it was cut short by her Mother. Contact since that phone call has been minimal.
Why would a parent do that to their child and to the other parent? It is beyond my scope of understanding. It is painful to lose a child. I can only guess what it might be like for my little girl.
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My children at 15, and 17, were allowed to choose which parent to reside with during my divorce. My children chose my husband, which I understood, since he retained the home. Immediately my children had to sneak visits to me unbeknownst to their father out of fear of retaliation. Their attitude toward started to change toward me as well. My children and I got along very well until I had to leave. They lived with their father while attending college and I would hear less and less of them. My ex introduced my son to his future wife and within two months he cut me out of his life completely. I was not invited to his wedding and I have never been allowed to see my new grandson. My daughter has aligned herself with my son and her father now. She is getting married this year and I understand I will not be invited despite my attempts to reconcile our relationship. I was divorced 15 yrs. ago and whenever I've called my children they refuse to answer the phone. I was a good mother to my children and the only reason for this behavior is brainwashing due to parental alienation by their borderline personality father. I'm afraid I will lose them forever as their are now in their 30's.
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My husband and his ex-wife divorced in 2005 by her request. He signed the waiver form and allowed her complete control over the divorce process. She took full advantage of him not being in court and asked for supervised visits for him through his aunt. He was unaware she was going to do that. His ex-wife then asked him to come back to her and he did so that he would have more access to his children. This would become the pattern multiple times per year over the next 7 years. They would break up and get back together again. Every time they would be considered a couple, he would have full access to his 2 boys without reserve or 2nd thought. Every time they would terminate the relationship, she would with-hold his children and use the supervised visitation schedule as leverage for him to come back yet again. In 2011, my husband and I met each other. The alienation began full force once she figured out he had a new girlfriend; now wife. The alienation at that point became severe enough that he is no longer allowed to see his children at all. His visitation hours is during school hours because it was set so long ago, the children were babies and now they are in school. He has not seen his boys in 2 years. Further, she has filed physical violence allegations, and sexual allegations against him in efforts to deny him access because we filed in court. The worst part is that she has coached the children for the last 2 years and TAUGHT THEM HOW TO HATE THEIR DAD. What once was a very loving father and child relationship is now torn to shreds with very small steps to gaining some sort of relationship. Often, he sadly says, "I will never have my boys back. I will just have to get to know the new boys and hope to build a relationship with who my boys will be by the time that I see them again, because the little boys that I last saw are no more." Alienation is ABUSE. His ex-wife telling the children sexually graphic things to say as a defense when the police closed the allegations as UNFOUNDED is ABUSE. Children need both of their parents and they need their loving grandparents! Their grades have dropped in school. It is hard to find a picture of them on the internet smiling, because they usually look sad in pictures. PARENTAL ALIENATION AND GRANDPARENT ALIENATION IS CHILD ABUSE. We will FIGHT for their rights to have EQUAL ACCESS to their grandparents who they have not seen in 3 years and to their dad as well as step family. They deserve better than what she has given them. We WILL NOT GIVE UP.
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August 7th. my daughter in law (who is bipolar) tried committing suicide 3 times. She had been put on a medication for seizures. She left a note to my son saying she needed time. She took my 2 grandkids and drove out of state to stay with her real father. She is foreign born and my grandkids have duel citizenship. She and my son talked and it was agreed he fly to them to drive them back home. 3 days later she once again left a note and drove out of state to be at her father's. This time my son had no recourse but to file for divorce. My son asked an emergency order not allowing her to leave the country. The judge said it wasn't an emergency, even tho she is still close to her family out of country. My son sent 2 cell phones to the kids. We talked and chatted on Skype. Now since my daughter in law found out my 7&8 yrs old did that she turned off their phones and changed her dad's number.
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It has been almost 9 years. He was just a baby the last time we laid eyes on him. 6 months old to be exact. Now, he is living in the same city as my husband and I but we cant see him, touch him, hug him, love him, nothing. Yet, he bears my husband's name within his own, and he is a spitting image of my husband, and my husband is paying child support. The mother of this boy is a vindictive, narcissistic sociopath, who could care less that she ripped him right out of our arms. He calls her boyfriend daddy and knows nothing about the family who share his name, and who love and miss him dearly. Our 4 children which my husband and I share together know of their oldest alienated brother and they are always asking me when they will see him. I tell them "soon" because it is the only shred of hope I have to cling to. We are a low income family, so obtaining a lawyer to simply obtain visitation is almost unheard of. as soon as we come close to saving to get visitation, we are taken to court for non payment of child support by the mother. My husband has been jailed 2 times, and 3 times more he's avoided jail because we obtained an attorney. She knows what she is doing, and the whole world is blindly working in her favor. My 4 children who live in our home have to suffer. We have to struggle each month to get them what they need, and in fear of my husband going to jail, we barely keep up with support for the child withheld from us. Child support cares about the 1 child, but not our 4 living with us. This system is a crooked one, and we have mentioned in court how we never see the child in question, but there is no sympathy, or even a hand to reach out and help us. We are lost in the world of greed, and are we to teach our children and their children that this is what's right? I won't dare teach them that wickedness. The boyfriend who bears the name "daddy" has endangered my step son by running from the cops at high speeds, and the mother has physically attacked me, twice, before the alienation began, and we have documented evidence and police reports to prove our side, yet we are still not heard because we don't have the money to be heard. They have already raped us for everything we have, including our dignity. On top of being a terrible person, she is victorious in her efforts because the laws are somehow favorable to her. Please tell me how this is legal? What is the logic behind it? There are a million questions I feel there will never be an answer to as long as the family court stays the way it is. Please help our family obtain justice, we have suffered long enough.
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On January 9, 2012 my son was diagnosed with an aggressive form of bone cancer called Ewing’s Sarcoma. At this time his son, my grandson, had just turned 2 years old. My husband and I had bonded closely with our grandson because we had been regularly caring for him since age 2 weeks. To keep my story brief I will forego the vast details surrounding my son’s relentless battle with the demon called cancer however, he battled courageously for a little over a year undergoing chemo, a major 12 hour cardio-thoracic surgery, more chemo and 6 weeks of radiation. The point being during this time my husband, myself and my entire family were there for not only my son and daughter-in-law but especially our grandson. As if we weren’t all surviving in a living hell called cancer my daughter-in-law filed for divorce 4 months after my son started treatments and 1 week after he came home from surgery, while still unable to fully care for himself. Needless to say we were all in shock. Our family banded together and helped make other living arrangements for my son as he no longer had a home. When the court date for custody of my grandson came around the judge seemed to be overwhelmed at the situation that my son had been placed in, as well as, the number of family members present in court. The judge granted joint custody giving each parent every other week. My son was on a strict chemotherapy regimen and if he was scheduled for chemo on a week when he was scheduled to have his son my husband and I gladly kept him at our home. The schedule stayed this way and the last week of my son’s life was his week to have his son. On Thursday of that week he was transported from our hometown hospital to a major university hospital for respiratory distress. My grandson was with us and the next morning his Dad, before he was placed on artificial life support, asked to call his son to tell him he loved him. My son passed away on March 13, 2013.
It is as if my family has suffered two deaths. One being my son that I can’t bring back and the other my grandson who has been taken away for no reason other than his father passed away. We saw our grandson twice shortly after his father’s death and he has been to our home once a year later. We live in the same town/county, his daycare is approximately one mile from our house and his mother works 2 miles from our house. We have done nothing but love him since birth and yet we are being alienated. Please everyone get out and make 2015 the year for Families!
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That last Sunday morning, I woke, went to the restroom, turned the heat up a little bit, started the coffee and crawled back in bed. A few minutes later, I heard a rustle from the crib across the room, opened my eyes and looked at a little red headed toddler who sat up and rubbed his sleepy eyes.
I waved good morning and smiled from my pillow. He grinned at me and flopped down; face in the piles of stuffed animals and butt in the air. He raised his head, I waved, he grinned, and on it went until he was ready to get up. Finally he stood up . “Hi Granny!” I went to the crib, lifted him out, hugged him and whispered, “Hi ----- man. Let’s go see George!”
He lay on the couch and watched the start of ‘Curious George’ while I changed him and gave him his Sippy cup of apple juice. After a few minutes and draining his juice, he asked, “Where ----? Sleeping?” I nodded yes, put my fingers to my mouth indicating quiet, and went for my cup of coffee. As soon as I was out of reach, he hopped off the couch and ran laughing into the bedroom to tackle his older sister in her youth bed.
Even in a dead sleep, she knew it was her little brother and started to smile before she opened her eyes. Seconds later my three and a half year old towhead and her two and a half year old brother were racing through my apartment, laughing, squealing, and starting my day, a wondrous chaos of the two little people who I love most – my grandchildren.
We ate, bathed, got ready for Sunday school. Soon their parents would pick them up and take them to church, giving me a few minutes to shower, dress, and to join them. From Friday evening until Sunday morning, for three years, this was my life and I loved it.
I never saw them again.
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My grandchildren are victims of Grandparent Alienation. Our son, with whom we always had a wonderful relationship, married a woman who is a habitual alienator. She even alienated her own parents for more than a year prior to marrying our son. Her mother warned me that we would never see our grandchildren if we were to cross her daughter. In the past couple of years we have seen our son undergo a radical change in personality. He went from a sweet loving son to a mean angry stranger. We fear that he is a victim of emotional abuse at the hands of his wife. If he were to challenge her decisions he would likely be the victim of PA (Parental Alienation) That is another travesty hoisted upon innocent children as a result of divorce. Our son is stuck between a rock and a hard place. This is why it is so very important to put in place legislation that could prevent this kind of horrific abuse by the parents of these helpless children.
I frequently cared for my grandchildren in my home and we had a wonderful loving relationship. But in Nov. of 2011, I dared to object to holiday plans that excluded us from Christmas morning festivities. Now my husband and I have been banned from our precious grandchildren and our son will not speak to us. This has gone on for more than two years. Emails and letters go answered. We live just 10 miles away from them. We fear that they would call the police if we were to go to their home. Our grandchildren are 4 and 6 years of age. At one time our son told us that he wanted us to raise his children if he and his wife were to die. Our son invited my husband, our younger son and myself to serve as sponsors during the baptism ceremony of our grandchildren. We are law abiding, responsible, respectable people. We have been married 42 years. We don’t drink, smoke or do drugs. My husband has worked for the same company for 37 years and I have driven a school bus for 19 years. We put our sons through college and helped our estranged son buy his first home. My husband even got him a job with his employer. Our children are well educated successful individuals. Our estranged son is a Mechanical Engineer and our non estranged son is a Pharmacist. By most standards we did an excellent job parenting our children.
None of this makes any sense. We were suddenly banished from the lives of our grandchildren over holiday plans. We were stunned. Can you imagine what is going through the impressionable little minds of our grandchildren? What do their parents tell them about us? The children may believe that we don’t love them and don’t want to see them. The hurt and confusion they must feel has to be horrible. This is abuse of the worst kind. A mind is a terrible thing to destroy because immature selfish parents are harboring a grudge. These people are sick and should not be allowed to ignore the rights and well being of their own children. Children across the country are being used as pawns in a sick game of revenge. These are not the actions of immature teen parents. These are adults who know exactly what they are doing. Our son and his wife are 40 years old. Our family units are being destroyed as alienation reaches endemic proportions.
In the absence of abuse, Children should have access to all of their family members. My grandchildren do not see our younger son nor do they see any members of my extended family. The only paternal family they have access to is my husband’s father and brother and the visits are very controlled. Being denied access to certain targeted family members teaches children to hate and creates a lack of compassion and empathy for the suffering of others. Being alienated from my son and his family is the most painful experience of my life. It’s a nightmare that I can not wake from. Not only are our grandchildren being abused but aging grandparents are being abused as well. Please pass legislation to protect innocent children from this awful abuse. At the very least we should have programs for children in school that teaches them that alienation in all forms is wrong. It is bullying and it is abusive. They should be encouraged to report this abuse so they can receive counseling. This form of abuse, just like other forms of abuse, tends to repeat in subsequent generations. It must be stopped. You may not be experiencing alienation in your family at this time but no one is immune. Perhaps one of your children or grandchildren will marry an alienator and your family will be destroyed as mine has been. It can happen to anyone at any time and once it happens there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I wish you and your family the best.
Sincerely,
Heartbroken Grandmother
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Our Severe Alienation Saga: 2003-2009
5 years ago this month, I cancelled trial in a corrupt circus custody battle in a severe parental alienation case. Unbeknownst to me at the time I was suffering and later diagnosed and treated for Battered Woman’s Syndrome. This fact as well as many others were overlooked in our extreme case of Domestic Violence and severe parental alienation: other stunning facts of “false memories of hatred created in D___(my youngest son) for his mother”, “the worse case of severe parental alienation I have ever seen in 20 years of family law practice” and numerous other travesties which occurred in our 6 year $300,000 custody battle were dismissed and reversal of custody not an option so I cancelled trial August 2009 and put my children in God’s hands as I knew that without reversing custody of our 3 children, their Alienator/Abuser father would continue the bullying, shaming, abusing our children in our private hell when they expressed love for me or an interest to see me, etc. There was no partial ground here. My children would have contined to suffer without reversal of custody-being away from the Brainwasher for a time at least.
It has been a long arduous journey without my 3 children of whom I was a stay-at-home mother, swim team Mom, Bible school teacher, etc. My husband –the Narcissist/Severe Alienator/Abuser is a stockbroker in our local community.
The sorrow and damage emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially done to me has been incalculable with no reconnection in sight especially as Dr. Craig Childress has so eloquently emerged with the truth of what really happens in these cases –the children’s attachment system has literally been decimated -the innate bonding to primary figures in their lives specifically a cherished mother/father and future spouses. Their authentic selves have been absorbed by the Personality Disorder of the Alienating Parent. It is a really sick dynamic perpetrated upon one's own children by an Alienator.
Did I add that “long term damage to the children without their mother” and numerous ignoring of court orders-therapy appointments, 18 Plus missed visitations with my middle son who hung in with me the longest duration before he too succumbed to the severe psychological enmeshment and “cult of control and narcissism’ of his father? As the other 2 children wre more quickly consumed by the programming of the father, they didn’t have a chance.
The psychologist/custody evaluator took over 12 months to complete our initial custody evaluation. In which time 2 of my 3 children were already consumed by hatred and fear created in them for me by their father. The complete lack of enforcement of court-orders for communication via phone calls and visitations with my middle son was astounding as the steamrolling train of alienation and abuse ran over and crushed any semblance of decency and relationships of sacred parent-child love and adoration my children and I once enjoyed together. Grandparents and the entire maternal side of the family was cut out of our children’s lives due to malpractice and failure in family court and mental health professionals entirely. The profound failure by this Phd psychologist to obtain information outside of the narrative created by the Alienator about my character, our relationships, events, etc is a case for malpractice in the future I pray.
Although family members, my own psychologist at the time, and friends wrote letters and attempted phone calls to this custody evaluator advocating for me and my children and the truth of the abuse and alienation of what was really happening and to please rescue the children, the evaluator never returned the calls nor heeded the pictures and letters given to him substantiating what was real and true in our family before the lies took on a life of their own and the Alienator’s picture became the accepted reality. The lack of communication with family members and friends to establish a full accurate picture of our family relationships before my hospitalization (gaslighting too was used to try and make me look like a crazy person) my children were left virtually in the care of this Abuser who indoctrinated them-made them utterly disrespectful and hateful of me twisted their minds, decimated their attachment-bonds of our 3 children who adored me and called me “Mom” to then calling me by my 1st name. I even became expendable-which is completely antithesis of the way human bonding to a parent works-saying “Dad has a girlfriend now so we don’t need you anymore…..you were just our birthmother”.
The mental health professionals involved in our case all listened to the narrative the Alienating father created as his ventriloquist puppets-which 2 of my 3 children became-echoed a story of lies that were accepted as truth unequivocally by custody evaluator and mental health professionals and even my own attorney sat on his hands during hearings in our case. I was very traumatized at the time through the deepening levels of insanity and depravity my ex-husband the Alienator was going to to hurt our kids and me and our relationships so at the time I trusted my attorney, but he gave full custody away-which no attorney should ever do for no founded reason but to protract the litigation-so I would spend $$$ to fight and litigate a longer battle to regain custody and time with my children.
I was sent to the 1st PAS Symposium in Canada in February 2009 by a woman Phd psychologist who I was seeing at the time healing from documented abuse by my ex-husband“to find someone who can rescue your kids and fix this situation” which I did attend at my expense. Again the custody evaluator failed to speak with this psychologist who was supportive of my legal attempts to regain custody and advocating for our children to have their deserved and needed relationship with me, their mother, however this woman psychologist was never consulted before this evaluator in our 2nd evaluation March 2009 recommended “Good Bye session for the children with their mother”. My sister in law also in frantic attempts to reach this custody evaluator to tell him the truth about what was happening as my ex told her “she will never see these children again”.
I hired a Phd/JD to remedy this once and finally to secure my childrens’ rights and my parental rights at another $80,000 in summer 2009 who basically told me “ You should have killed him. Under Domestic Violence laws in this state you would have been out in 3 years and safely with your children.”
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My daughter turns 3 oct.7 2014. We have spent approximately 3 weeks together in her lifetime. My daughter and myself have done nothing wrong to deserve this. This is my first child and I am her daddy. I believe in my heart that my first child was stolen from me. I called this premeditated kidnapping before conception. The mother has alienated and programs my daughter from me from the very beginning with the assistance of her family and a convicted felon and allowing and manipulating the state and its contractors of DHS to aid her. I have tried to give cps and dhs multiple documents and recordings of the mental and emotional abuse but have been rejected through HIPPA law. This is without a doubt extortion and kidnapping in my opinion. There is no rights for the father or the child in this state . Lost confused hurt and traumatized.
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I AM A NON CUSTODIAL MOTHER OF TWO CHILDREN. I PETITIONED THE COURT FOR PROTECTION BECAUSE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. SINCE 2005 TO TODAY I SUFFER I ENDURE 4 Years of harassment by the DCFS. Poor investigation by the law enforcement. 6 years of monitored visits.That have been suspended since last year. The judge stated because my son was "bored". Not to mention severe AP for my daughter that I have been informed must be in continuous counseling that the judge abruptly stopped after a evaluator urgently recommended. I am left with Skype phone calls to today. Please I seek your mercy and help please stop the suffering my children and I endure.BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF DUE PROCESS AND JUSTICE IN MY STATES FAMILY LAW COURTS. MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED FROM ME AND AS A RESULT MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED, THEIR HEARTS HAVE BEEN HARDENED AGAINST ME. THROUGH A CONTINUOUS ALIENATION PROCESS. "AP" HAS TORN MY CHILDREN AND I APART AND AS A RESULT HAS CAUSED SEVERE DAMAGE TO OUR EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL STABILITY. MY EX BELIEVES WITH THE SUPPORT OF THE FAMILY LAW COURT THAT THIS IS "To the best interest of our children". LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY AND TRANSPARENCY IN OUR FAMILY LAW COURTS HAS RESULTED IN ALIENATION AGAINST ME AND SEVERE PAIN AND SUFFERING FOR ME AND MY CHILDREN. PLEASE HELP ME SAVE MY FAMILY.
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My twin children were taken by their mother to another state without the judges permission or their fathers permission. I have gone threw hell and back for the past year losing my career job as a firefighter and also lost everything due to having to hire two attorneys from both states to combat the false accusations, manipulation, and constant high conflict by her in our custody case. Emotionally it has been a nightmare in her telling me I will not get anymore time with my children and that no judge will allow it. My family has been lost in the dust and the alienation is extreme by her and her family. I grew up without my biological father and it created a lot of damage in my childhood and I don't want the same for my beautiful children. In the period of one year I saw children dying on my job and a lot of suffering in which I had a complete emotional breakdown. As a man people have expected me to be strong but with all that has happened I could not be the person I normally was which was strong. I had no help financially and began losing everything I worked for, for fourteen years. This needs to stop laws need to be created which don't allow parents to just hop state lines and file in a different state if no court order has already been in place. It causes overdue financial strain, breaks families apart, and it deprives children of the love of one parent. I have been lost without them, I don't know how to even fight this. State jumpers should be viewed as criminals and whoever is involved in helping them should also be viewed as criminals and should be prosecuted as accordingly. Thank you a very concerned and alienated father.
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I'm a mother who has a son with autism and we went through CPS hell after I advocated for his care in a mental hospital .
I lost him to his abusive father who barley knew his son and has previous child endangerment charges and drug charges and currently sells drugs , my son was abused there and then put with my my alcoholic father where he was abused verbally with threats of physical abuse to me And my son .
He was sent back to me and is a mess in every way . He has autism and he has severe behavior issues and the effects of the trauma has magnified the problems he already had.
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My EX took my Autistic grandson-my only grand baby and expect to never let me see him again.
After sons rights were terminated I tried to Intervene and also tried to Adopt - Cps said I had no standing and immediately gave pmc to a distant relative!
I have been in a horrific custody battle going on 5 years . My ex-husband attain custody do to false accusations and lies. By the time I was cleared of all charges by CPS. The Judge gave him full custody and them recused himself. I am one of the many cases Cps screwed up. Not only the Cps worker fired but the Judge recused himself. Now, my children have been brain washed for going on 5 years. I was primary parent with joint custody. MY EX didn't like this so the games began. I am a text book case for dirty pool. family courts are far from just. They deal only in hear say and fabrications, without an ounce of proof. I had no idea are nation allows courts to legally steal children from their mothers or fathers. All I want is to be a part of my children's life, but the father has it out for me. I am still jumping thru hoops with no progress just lots of money and no time with my children. I'm sure you hear cries of help from everyone that writes in. If there is any light you can shed on subject let me know. I am still fighting, but, to see no progress is heart wrenching. Thanks for your time.
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Father and mother lived together and split before baby was born after Father became aware of sexual abuse issues with her other children and Child Protective Services started to question Father for the mother’s actions such as leaving children home alone unsupervised. Mother told Father that she knew the system with her other two previous children and Father would not have a chance at custody of their son when born. Father asked to be a part of working together to care for the baby when born and asked to be notified so he could be there after son was born while mother avoided contact. Father tried contacting attorneys who told him nothing could be done until child was born.
Father was notified by a coworker that a birth noticed was published in the local paper of his son’s birth. Father filed for the Father’s Adoption Registry as advised by attorneys. Father begged to see son with minimal response from mother. Mother let Father see the son for a couple of hours two weeks after his son was born on two occasions. Father asked for a DNA test, filed a motion to establish paternity, and asked mother to setup a weekly time that he could see his son. It is believed mother then received counsel and was advised to not let Father establish a relationship with his son, as all communications stopped except for a return legal motion to establish child support.
The case drew on and Father did not see his son for 9 months before a court hearing established temporary parenting time. A custody evaluator met with parents to establish the “child’s best interests” which found most things neutral between the parents, but a few things such as the mother having other children was used in the child’s best interest to say that mother had more experience parenting. (Father worked in the medical field and and had special education with pediatrics, but was ignored). Father became aware that the same court used this same scenario on another father similarly situated and said that because this father had multiple children, he was irresponsible – an obvious double standard application of the child’s best interests. Also established was that Father did not have an established relationship with the child and maintaining continuity in Mother’s “permanent and stable” home would be best and would benefit from interaction of his half siblings in Mother’s care, but no opinion was used that mother had refused to let him see his son and she forced him to not be able to establish a relationship, despite efforts to do so. Also ignored was Mother’s moving around, not having a stable and permanent home. Mother was ordered not to move away during the proceeding, but despite being caught by a private investigator (although was not brought in as evidence because attorneys advised it would show conflict and work against asking for joint custody), found she was violating the court’s order and moved 100+ miles away living with another man.
Father requested joint physical and legal custody. The court granted mother sole custody and joint legal custody between the two. Father filed for Bankruptcy and had to sell his house he purchased just two years earlier, taking a loss. Father moved to the same metropolitan area that mother moved to, to be closer to his son, and mother responded by moving again, an hour north of the location. Father was court ordered a heavy child support burden, around $1400/month, by imputing income from a contract job where they took what he made the most in one month and multiplied it by 12 (to come up with yearly earnings) and said that is what Father could make. Mother bought a new house, new car, etc. Father never missed parenting time.
Father took a gender discrimination and argument for a presumption of joint physical custody to the state’s Supreme Court. They refused to hear it, but the state’s Court of Appeals published their opinion. The court of appeals refused to apply that Father had signed a recognition of parentage that established legal custody, the same as a married father would be, and argued they could legally discriminate against unwed fathers because the state had a duty to provide for the (illegitimate) children where the father might not be known, and rejected his argument for a presumption of joint physical custody.
Father years later became aware of behavior through the school, of his son’s sexualized behavior. His son spoke of the details of his step-brother having sex with him acting out behaviors. Father reported this to Child Protective Services, and filed a motion for temporary custody for endangerment. A Guardian Ad Litem evaluated circumstances. Father was able to show endangerment of his son in his Mother’s care and Father received sole physical custody and they have joint legal custody. The step-brother was noted to have been sexually abused by her boyfriend’s son who was a registered sex offender juvenile. Mother also had a history of sexual abuse in the family.
After the change of primary custody to Father, Mother moved away 4+ hours from the Father’s location, believe to attempt to burden father with transportation for her every-other weekend visits. Mother quit her job and said she couldn’t find work. Her child support is based on minimum guidelines for herself. The courts would not impute what she was making or had the capability to make, with college accounting degrees and her past career income. Mediation was used, the parties split transportation, but Mother rarely met the father. She always had a family member or her boyfriend do the driving as the Mother’s boyfriend lived near the Father and some were truck drivers who did the drive anyway. Thus, Father was burdened with transportation while Mother was not. Mother has since had more children for a total of five children from at least four different dads and appears to consume welfare, public benefits, and private donations from faith-based institutions such as housing.
Father became more aware a couple of years later when their son came to him crying and was reporting Mother abusing him, hitting him, making him work paper routes in the middle of the cold winter night, coming home with blisters on his feet, not having a bed to sleep on, sleeping and showering with his mother at times, was threatened with arson, and more. Father on advice of attorneys asked Mother to meet with a mediator to establish a safety plan before allowing his son to return to the environment. Mother refused and stopped seeing son. Mother continued phone calls with son, but then started using them to talk to child about custody and issues against father that he was removing him from her. Mother was asked to discontinue this but did not, so these phone calls stopped on advice from attorneys and counselors. Mother was notified again to work out a safety plan with the mediator, set up safe parenting time, but she refused to respond.
Nine months later, after no response, Father offered Mother time to meet with son, supervised by Father, for his birthday at a restaurant, and she accepted. Afterward, Father asked Mother to meet with him with mediation to work out a safety plan and regular parenting time, but Mother refused to respond. At times, their son had regressed and sexualized behaviors came out. Father continued counseling and has been working through the issues. Since then, son has been in counseling and is now, otherwise, a happy young boy, although at times, understandably, misses his mom. Father and son have since been doing fairly well, on their own.
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My experience with PA began long before my marriage ended in divorce. My wife was always a very strong personality, and someone who always wanted to be in control of every situation and every relationship. Over the years of my marriage, my wife slowly drove a wedge between me and my friends, at least those friends she couldn’t also claim as her own. She also drove a wedge between me and my family. Her propaganda and outbursts had successfully alienated me from my mother, who I barely spoke to or acknowledged for many years. My family was placed in a lower priority tier under her own. We would always go to her family for holidays ignoring any invitations from my own. The times when we did arrange get-togethers, inevitably some big drama would unfold to ruin the experience. It became easier to let these relationships slip away than to suffer the discomfort of trying to maintain them in her presence.
As for my two daughters, my wife liked to know I was involved, and I was, but ultimately she wanted to call the shots. Being that my job kept me out of the house for long hours each day, I was happy to let her take the lead. What I didn’t realize at the time was that she was slowly but surely chipping away at my bond with my daughters. Near the end of my 17 year marriage, her attacks against my character and my ability to father were loud, awful, and frequent. I went into my divorce believing that I was indeed a bad father, and I was determined to not make any waves. I rolled over and pretended, with her encouragement, that we would create a harmonious family of divorce that still hung out together, even though dad did not live at home. We had shared legal custody, but she had full physical custody. I agreed to this, partly out of fear of her wrath if I dare oppose. She came from a very wealthy family and was very comfortable wielding that money through her lawyers. It’s important to note that my wife was the primary bread winner for most of our marriage, as she worked for her parents in a very lucrative family business. She was the owner and president of that business when we divorced. Under California law, I could’ve claimed half, but I walked away without asking for a dime.
The post-divorce years were a huge learning curve for me. My ex instantly started a new relationship and was remarried within two years. When I started dating, she insisted on “interviewing” my girlfriend to determine if she was safe to be around my daughter. I actually allowed this interview to happen. As that relationship progressed, my ex became more active in manipulating my daughters’ pov. She invited my girlfriend and her young son to join us for my daughter’s b-day party, but then made a huge scene when I allowed the young son to sit on my knee. She started telling my daughters that I was now the father to my girlfriend’s son (he had a very loving father of his own and did not need me, btw). When I introduced my girlfriend to some old college friends without her permission, my ex punished me by taking away visitation and telling them that their dad “no longer cared about how anyone feels.” Whenever my ex did offer up some visitation time, it was always at the last minute and designed to interrupt any plans I had already made, and of course I’d have to drop everything in order to agree to the visitation or risk my ex using it against me with my daughters if I declined.
My girlfriend saw what I couldn’t see and encouraged me to see a therapist. Eventually I realized how unhealthy my relationship was with my ex, and I realized that she did not have the right to withhold my daughters from me the way that she had. I initiated a dialogue to convince her to allow a reasonable and structured visitation schedule, but she refused. I eventually took her to court, and the judge immediately ordered a traditional schedule with visitation every other weekend. My ex ruined most of that visitation by synchronizing sports practices with that time, with teams that were COACHED by the STEPFATHER. My visitation became SHARED visitation because every weekend my daughter would have some sports commitment. If I were to refuse to let my daughter participate, I would have only vilified myself in the process – as a dad who didn’t care about his daughter’s interests and priorities.
Then I threw an enormous wrench into my situation when my battle with alcoholism, and my growing frustration with the visitation debacle, culminated in an unfortunate emotional explosion, in front of my daughter, where I verbally berated my ex and her husband. With that, I handed my ex the one weapon she needed to keep me away for good, and I painted a picture of my character that served to confirm for my daughters that dad really must be a bad guy.
Now I am 2.5 years sober. My girlfriend is now my wife, and we all live in a house just a few miles from my ex. My oldest (22) hasn’t spoken to me in years and refuses any contact, though I reach out to her on a regular basis with letters and notes to remind her that I love her. The family court has done NOTHING to remove the legal barriers between me and my youngest, despite the fact that there is no justifiable reason for me to not be part of her life. The judge strongly encouraged reunification therapy for me and my youngest daughter, but my ex and my daughter have refused, and I know that therapy is pointless unless all the participants are invested. I’ve been an executive with a major entertainment company for over 15 years. I’m active in AA and meet with my sponsor on a regular basis. I own a home, which still has a lovely room reserved for my daughter. I pay child support, provide health insurance, and share legal custody for a daughter I cannot see. I’m allowed to send her two letters a month, with no promise of a letter in return. The only letter I’ve ever received from her was a note saying she would not read my letters. I’m not allowed to approach my daughter or attend any function where she may be present. I have but one mark in my criminal record – a DUI that occurred the night of my meltdown – 2.5 years ago. I’ve had one 45 minute, supervised, visitation with my daughter about a year and a half ago. In that meeting, I apologized profusely about how I’d behaved on the night of my meltdown, and I explained the efforts I’d taken to make sure that she never sees her dad that way again. We both cried. She hugged me and said “I love you” before she walked out the door. She was 12. That was the last exchange I’ve had with her. She turned 14 just last month.
The fact is that this “synopsis” really only scratches the surface of my journey. So many details and layers have been excluded for the sake of brevity. I hope my story connects with some of you. I felt it was important to be transparent in how my own behavior played into my current situation. Nobody is perfect. While I can and do acknowledge my shortcomings, I also know that I did not deserve to be excised from my daughters’ lives the way that I have been. My daughters deserve their father. I have a lot to offer them. Today I have a new and wonderful relationship with my mother, my father, my sister, and many old friends who have come back into my life.
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I raised four children, currently aged 33 to 28. They are all happily married and contributing members of society. From the surface, they are all well adjusted, but my daughter chose to cut off all contact between her family and me. When her children were born, they stayed at my house two nights a week. I kept my mouth shut concerning her questionable parenting choices, even when all three got whooping cough. The youngest was 11 months and suffered for three months. At the beginning of this year, she put the kids on a very restricted fad diet that does not meet any of the guidelines set by pediatricians or nutritionists. I was very vocal in my objections, and I admit I broke the diet by giving them whole grain bread and no-sugar peanut butter. She cut me off, even though I have apologized and suggested that we could get together, with her alone or with the kids, and not have any food involved. She is clearly punishing me for not agreeing with her peculiar ideas and shows no mercy, whisking the kids off if we happen to bump into each other so that sometimes I can't even give them a hug. The kids ask each time if they can come to my house, but she refuses. It is heartbreaking. I have asked my other children not to get involved because I don't want her to cut them off as well. This holiday season will be a very lonely one, I am afraid. These are my only grandchildren, although happily my son and his wife are expecting in April. Unfortunately, they live far away.
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In my state, there is a grandparent visitation law, but after 2 years (and 2 different lawyers) and thousands of dollars, I only see my grandson for about 3 hours once a month with his mother "supervising". My husband who has been in my grandson's life from minute #1 (he was waiting outside the delivery room) has not been allowed to see our grandson in over 2 and 1/2 years. Our grandson has not seen any family except me for 2 and 1/2 years. When I see him he asks about his cousins, great grandmothers, - I'm heartbroken that he can't see them. His 9th birthday is this week. He invited my husband and I to his house for his birthday but was quickly "shot down" by his mother. When I gave him his present and a card we made (with pictures of us holding him) he started to cry. He said "It's a beautiful card Nana". My daughter and grandson are living with her "boyfriend". We have been told many stories (by our daughter) about how abusive and controlling this man is. Yet she continues to live with him and isolate her son from family that love him and live within the state. The judge basically told me that the mother has the supreme court right to decide what is in the best interest for her child. The judge had ordered 5 hours unsupervised visits but my daughter refused. The longer this goes on, the more we worry about the emotional well being of our grandson. He lived with us for 3 years and before that he visited every week and stayed overnight about once a month. The only reason we can think of why we can't see our grandson alone is that on 2 occasions DCF was contacted for violence in the boyfriend's house. Since nothing was proven, the 2 reports were dropped. It seems every time I tell my story, there is a grandparent who is going through the same thing. I know of at least 8 families who can't see their grandchildren. Thank you for all you are doing. Someday these children will wonder why they didn't see their grandparents. At least they will know we tried. Take care and God bless you!
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My hell started the day I met my exes new girlfriend (now wife). My ex and I have been divorced since 2002 with minimal issues but looking back I see the narcissistic person he has always been but did not see. When he hooked up with this woman, who is also nacissistic and very controling, things changed in an instant! We have three children, 24 years old, 19 years old and a 17 year old. My 19 year old moved in with me and the 24 year old the day before her dad married due to issues with the situation at their house. About a month later my then 15 year old moved in with me after finding out several lies told to her by her dad and his new wife. She found out from her siblings....not me. Shortly after she moved in with me their dad just totally abandonded them and would only see them if his wife was there, which is the only thing the kids did not want. After about a year of this nonsense and emotional craziness due to their dad just avoiding them and severing all contact in any way, plus the fact they were emotional teenagers anyway, my youngest had a melt down and wanted to commit suicide. For her sake the parents and stepparents tried to let go of past issues and be a "unit" to help the kids. My daughter (the youngest) went into a psychiatric hospital for a couple of months due to severe depression. Just after she was discharged, she went to live with her dad because I was mentally trashed dealing with the craziness going on while their dad abandonded them. By this time my adult children are living on their own. All parents/stepparents were working well together until I pissed off the new wife, then I lose ALL contact in any way, shape, form. They even went to the school she attended and illegally red flagged me so I could not have access to her education! I took our JOINTcustody papers to the school and the red flad was taken off after their attorney looked at the documents I brought. When she was discharged from the hospital, she was loving with all four of us and now she hates me (thanks to them!) I finally got a court order based on PAS for immediate reunification therapy but I fear it's too late because our first joint session was December 16, 2014 and she said she wants nothing to do with me. Would not even turn her head so I could see her hair and refused to hug me. Not only have they alienated me from her, they have severed all ties with her brother and sister, as well as, my parents and cousins, etc. Even her old friends who were positive friends and has known most of her life. It's so sad. At this point, as a parent, it breaks my heart to miss her senior year and it also breaks my heart my older daughter didn't even finish high school due to the emotional stress she was under less than a month before her senior year started. That daughter was the "daddy's girl" and it hit her hard when he abandonded them. She has since gotten married without her dad and sister there, which broke her heart, and has moved to another city here in Oklahoma. Parental alienation is cruel and the alienators should be held accountable! They should not have the ability to determine if the other parent can be in their lives or not. I just know over a year ago my daughter was pleasant and loving to us all and we were slowly trying to get back to normal but I got cut out of everything and did nothing to her for this to be happening. My heart misses her every second of every minute of every day. I have had to take down pictures because it's too hard to see them. Personally this has been so hard and then I have two kids who have not only been abandonded by their dad but also lost their sister. He just gets away with it and I can do nothing. I feel like I have NO rights to this child that I carried for nine months and watched her grow up. What 's so jacked up is that I pissed HER off and HE allowed this to happen!
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OK, this is hard to do, it brings up many painful memories and the pain never goes away.
I was married for 19 years. We had 3 children when he approached me for the second time in a year that I should move out. He said our marriage wasn't working and if I moved out we could "date" and "get to know each other again".
We had our home business and it was finally at the point of making a profit. It made more sense for me to move out, in my mind, because all work equipment was based there.
So, I moved out, 3 weeks later I was replaced. (He was having a very serious affair, I found out) Next thing I know I have a certified letter stating he is moving out of state with the kids. And his girlfriend happened to live there. They would drive back and forth to see each other.
This is when I got an attorney. The move was stopped. Then his girlfriend, now wife and her kids, moved in with ex.
We both got 50/50 physical and legal custody. He began to tell my then, 12 year old son that if I would just tell the judge they would be able to move and life would be better. They would have more things and live by the beach. My son began to be very defiant towards me and hateful. Screaming at me, telling me I don't let him make his own choices but his dad does. My exes attorney, at next court date, asked for a GAL.
The GAL did not do a home visit and interviewed me 1 time 2 days before next court date, this was a contempt hearing for ex.
My exes attorney withdrew from the case. He had a month to get a new attorney, but waited until last minute and new attorney wanted a continuance. So, it was granted. In the meantime, my children are being told by their dad that only he cares about their choices and that is why he got them an attorney. (GAL). Son was becoming more and more defiant. A year has passed. He is now 13, court is still waiting because now his attorney wants to depose me. Granted...more stalling.
I was deposed and my attorney then deposed ex.
My ex was caught in lie after lie.
I was finally depleted of funds. GAL still recommended 50/50 but my now 13 year old refused to come over and when he did, he would throw stuff, tell me he hates me, then call his dad and his dad and future stepmother would come get him and whisper in his ear in front of me. My youngest, that was 11 at the time saw all of this.
A year later, ex still not abiding by any court orders, custody was not enforced by the police, I was, in fact, asked to leave my exes home (I was outside) when I was trying to pick up my child.
In the divorce agreement I was to get a vehicle (he kept an SUV, Truck, a work Van and a jeep and the home).
He had someone steal my car (while he was out of town) kept telling me it was going to get repossessed. I called the police, no repossessions. The police called my ex and he said the car wasn't stolen. It will stay in his name until he pays it off, so police couldn't do anything, even though court order said it is mine and I get title when it is paid off.
But, it made my ex nervous, so whoever stole it, brought it back the next morning.
Again, funds depleted, my attorney wouldn't go back to court with me. Why a person has to pay to go to court because the other person is not following court orders is beyond me.
My attorney did help me modify the divorce agreement for me to have full physical custody of the youngest and ex to have full custody of the now 14 year old. We both have legal custody of both kids.
By this time, my oldest daughter is 20 and completely not talking to me. She was told that I made the judge tell my ex to take her off life insurance... When in fact the judge ordered him to have life insurance on the minors. Nobody said he couldn't have life insurance on her. She's been told many untruths.
The now stepmom has, in the past two years, taken my kids to the dentist and doctor without telling me. I'd find out when bill was mailed to me. She took my now 14 year old to get all 4 of his wisdom teeth taken out without my knowledge.
I now have 2 of 3 kids not talking to me because of disparing remarks, belittling my authority as a parent and lying and eavesdropping, blocking me from the kids cell phones so I had no way to contact them, except meet him off the bus for 5 min.
It took 2 years of court delays for 2/3 children to be strangers to me, to not want to see me. 2 years of no orders being followed by my ex. 2 years of a child's brain development being harmed because of being put through the stress of divorce and the stress of being taught to hate me. 2 years of BRAIN DEVELOPMENT.... Stress changes chemicals in the brain and cannot develop properly.
2 years and my son that I no longer have or see, is failing school. All F's except in weight lifting.
2 years of not obeying any court orders and I am helpless.
BTW, the son that lives with me is thriving. His grades are good, he plays soccer, he is 12 now and has a goal to go to Stanford and play soccer on their team.
2 years lost with my other children and all I did was trust and obey court orders.
Why is this allowed? What is the point of a judges signature if the orders are not followed?
Believe me, the kids are watching, they know the court orders are not being followed. They learn to disrespect a parent and they learn to disrespect the law. Is this what we want for our future?
There is so much more, this is a condensed version of the nightmare my kids and I have been put through.
The state granted custody of my two children ages 3 and 8 to an a narcissistic adulterer who neglects, mentally abuses them, leaves them in the care of people who physically and mentally abuse them. Why? Because of a corrupt court system. The court then granted permission for this man to move them 800 miles away from their their home where they have lived since birth. The home of their mother, family, and friends. This man continues to deny visitation and there is no law in place to stop him from this abuse.
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My husband and I are and have been happily married for almost 31 years. We raised a son who just turned 30 and a daughter who is 27. We have a very small extended family - our children have two uncles that are unmarried and no first cousins. We did everything together as a family.
Our relationship with our son took a turn for the worse when, as an army lieutenant our son was assigned to a post in Colorado and his girlfriend at the time followed him there to live with him. Our son married that young woman three years ago, and they have a daughter who just turned 2 years old. Our relationship has continued to become emotionally distant even though they have relocated only 1.5 hours from where we live. Our son's wife is from a blended family with seven children. They seem to be very involved with her family. We have probably seen our granddaughter less than 10 times. We last saw our son and his family in April on Easter. Shortly thereafter when we tried to make plans with them - even just to grab coffee or breakfast, they indicated that they "really didn't have time". Our son telephoned us on Father's Day in June to inform us that they decided to become more emotionally distant from us because we were a negative influence on their lives. Although he repeatedly told us that he loved us very much, he asked us not to contact him. He told us that they were "praying for our relationship" and that they would contact us when they were ready. I telephoned him on his birthday and left a message wishing him a happy birthday and to let him know I was thinking of him. We received an email from him reminding us to respect their space, remind us they would contact us when they were ready, and stating that they loved us very much.
We continue to have a healthy relationship with our daughter and her fiance despite the fact that she does not live close by. Our son's relationship with our daughter is also broken. Our daughter was not included in our son's wedding which hurt her very much. Although she was asked to be our son's daughter's godmother and flew home for the celebration, they barely spoke to her at the event. Our children's communication with each other is nonexistent.
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I am an alienated mom of 3, who has been in and out of court regularly for 12 years because of narcissistic, abusive, and personality-disorder-diagnosed ex husband (and his family). He has not only alienated the children, one at a time, from me and my family and our neighbors, but also moved to another county. The courts have allowed our children to be flip flopped back and forth, with me having full custody several times, and the attorneys, judges, magistrates manipulating the system, and neglecting facts and evidences. It is a mess. For the past 2 years, we all have been 100% alienated from the 3 children :(
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We as Family were so close ,my husband i and our handsome Sons,two our precious miracles from God.We did have a struggle,they were born with heart problems,I stayed home while my husband worked as engineer.After making sure that they are healthy and doing great we travel...our Sons became famous singers,sportsman and businessman...we never stood on their way towards any dreams or life partners,because we raised them with Christian values to respect everyone and bless everyone! Our son had a girlfriend which he grown to be fun off...we were happy for him...she was sweet,charming and helpful...toward his marriage she changed to violent,grumpy,moody,selfish...after ceremony she avoided us slowly and than after they had a baby boy cut us off for life...Son says that she made him choose us or baby...we are lost and I cry daily,have an early Alzheimer now and my husband serious heart problem,we see second Son...yet she calls family of ours and slander us behind our backs...we pray for his return to Lord...she scratched our Son on face,our Grandson on back...we went to Social worker because I suffered nervous breakdown...worker called child services...now our in law daughter says to whole family and friends that we did that...we are innocent...this is evil and only Lord could help us...our Son still has a heart problem,we are still and praying...Mama
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My children were kidnapped May 14,2007. This is domestic terrorism as I am and was in the military at the time. The kidnapper is a registered Conscientious Objector. The children and my wife were taken in defiance of a military order declaring myself as permanent guardian of my children due to the inability as declared by my wife that her permanent medical , physical, and emotional health prohibited her from caring for my children. This would make the children being in an endangered environment and cause them to be neglected. This being the case, approval was given through the Army Adjutant General and through Trial and Defense for a permanent Hardship with Dependency Discharge issued December 23,2004. I am sick of being told I did not have custody. My wife and I were married at the time and only after her parents forced her to leave with them or not see the children again; did any court other than the Army Administrative Court make any custody arrangements. This was in lieu of a crime committed as referenced above. Also, the Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act overrides according to Article VI of the US Constitution which falls under the Supremacy Clause. Therefore, kidnapping charges need to be pressed and my children returned immediately. Also, conspiracy against a federal employee charges need to be pressed. I just reached my 19th year in the military and this is becoming an outrageous hate and descrmination against the military not just myself.
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My gk's have been denied the right to grow they are not involved in any outside activities, they stopped going to play therapy, swimming lessons, gymnastics lessons and summer camps. She has changed their pediatrician, they dentist, has taken me off all contact lists. Immediately did a change of address for them, got their ss cards and birth records. My son physically abuses my gs and wife calls them names, grounds them, will not let them call me all with the knowledge of my son. There is so much more to this story but this is it in a nutshell.
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I am so pleased to have a public forum and a way to fight the sick people who tear our loved ones away from us. In my case, I saw my son become someone I did not know anymore when his loyalty moved to his girlfriend. She effectively took him away from his sister and me and it has been over five years. I've been through breast cancer treatment and he told someone I was making it up. I previously enjoyed a very close and loving relationship with him, and so did his sister, his only sibling. Never in a million years did we see this coming. My son and the woman just bought a house together, and for all I know are planning a family. Even if he never escapes from his self-imposed prison, I am willing and ready to join the parents and grandparents who will fight for the God-given right to have a relationship with their grandchild.
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My granddaughter said to me last year her fears for the children living in her father's home because of his anger and readiness to hit them (this is what she said during the time placed in CPS):
"I am afraid and worry for my sisters, I can't be there with them. I want to see them again."
All her other notes were for the judge concerning her wishes to live with me because of the treatment at the group homes.
I'll send you more from family members as our lists grow.
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I would like to share my story. I only have my phone so please excuse any grammar error. One of my earliest memories was asking about my father. I was five. My mom told me she was raped and tossed me a name. Kenny Blackbird. She was fifteen when she gave birth to me. She has varied the story over the years so now I have no idea what's real or not. I am desperate to find the truth but I only know I was conceived in Oklahoma on the Fourth of July. I also know he has a child named Amanda who is about five years older than me. Because of all of this my life has been a series of question marks. A family tree project in Jr High had me in tears. Rather he was a good man or a bad man is beside the matter. Somewhere I have a sister and grandparents and a whole other life that was denied me. I should have had a choice.
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I hope this finds you and your family well and happy. Unfortunately, my family aren’t and this is why I have chosen to write to you. I have previously written but as you are far too important to be bothered with “trivial” matters, my letter was forwarded to an “appropriate department.” However, as much as I understand that you are indeed very busy, I feel the department was not appropriate and this situation is far from trivial.
First, let me apologise. Open letters are awful. For both the writer and the recipient, particularly in a situation such as this. But the situation I and many others face is awful and it needs to be brought to light so hopefully you will understand my decision to be open here.
I am writing to you on behalf of every family, my own included about parental alienation. The act of abuse that is refusing children and parents contact. This is a form of abusing the non resident parent by removing the rights of both the parent and child. It is an act of cruelty and as far as I’m concerned, a hate crime against children and parents.
This is happening worldwide. Very little, other than the vast efforts of alienated parents doing all they can to raise awareness whilst facing the crushing living grief on a daily basis is being done to help and prevent this abuse. This is not acceptable. Children’s services aren’t interested, the children’s ministers seem very dismissive and even schools are ignoring the fact that it is happening.
I have always thought my country to be a compassionate place, where our rights are among the best in the world. We send aid that I’m sure given the state of things we have to live with we can ill afford to give. All fantastic? But sadly I was mistaken. Having had to live with alienation for the best part of four years, I have found out that my country is not a compassionate place and that human rights are merely an illusion.
The rights of my child and many, many others in my country have been removed. The reason for this is to cause hurt and pain. Believe me, it works. But sadly, the hurt and pain doesn’t just affect the parent, it affects the child too. They are denied the right to know their parent, to have a relationship with them and in most cases, are brainwashed into hating the missing parent. For no other reason than hatred. This causes confusion, grief, fear, the list here is endless so I won’t go on. After all your time is precious. But you get the gist? Families are being torn apart by hatred.
Awful, isn’t it?! But sadly, in the my country, it seems that this is a perfectly acceptable situation. And here is where the problem lies. This isn’t, in any way acceptable. Children are not weapons. They are human beings with rights. But for some reason, this doesn’t matter. This goes ignored. And I’d like to know why. Why it is we live in a country that seemingly has the some of the best human rights in the world is this acceptable?
I’ve been advised to employ the services of a solicitor. Reasonable advice, but solicitors cost vast amounts of money. I simply cannot afford this. Legal aid isn’t an option for me so this is out of the question. For myself and countless others. So, where do we go? What do we do?
This also raises a very good point about human rights. If rights are removed and you can’t pay the extortionate rates that family solicitors charge, doesn’t this make them priveliges and not rights? Human rights should be free and protected. Not something that only the privileged can afford. Do we really live in a country where this is the case? Has the UK really sunk this low that money stands between a child and their right to know their parents? That it takes money to stop the emotional abuse attached to having those rights removed for no other reason than to abuse another? If this is the case then I’m actually disgusted to be a citizen of a country that tolerates this.
As Prime Minister, is there anything you can do to help this? To prevent further abuse? To reunite families that have been torn apart? Is there any hope at all or do our children have to continue to suffer? My two children have never met each other. A brother and sister, perfect strangers because of hatred and lack of money. Acceptable? Not at all.
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My ex hit me up side the head and that was the moment when my ex and I separated, we shared joint custody of our daughter. Three days at his house and 3 at mine...and we lived next door to each other to make it easier for our child. It was when I went out on a date that it started. He told our daughter stories when he had his time with her. Stories that I was a drug addict, dating a child molester and that she was not safe with me any longer and a lie put me in jail for 48 hours and allowed him to get a restraining order against me to keep me away from my only child.
When my daughter told me that she couldn't come to my house any more...I was crushed.....and I never saw any of this coming. I didn't know about parental alienation...so the lawyers came in and I had to prove that I was not a drug addict, that the guy I was dating was not a child molester...and had to agree to a court appointed therapist that I thought would be able to help my daughter. Instead, the therapist made matters worse by believing everything that my daughter said about me...the exact same words as my ex. The humiliating drug test that I passed, the $1500.00 psychiatric evaluation and all the witnesses in the world did no good at all. All this did was to buy more time to brainwash my child and after the second lawyer and more lies...my child had abandoned me.
My only child is now 15 and has aged out as they say. I have no relationship with her at all. Almost 4 years my daughter has not had a mother. I pay my child support...I did everything the court asked of me....If only the court could have recognized that no 12 year old child should know how to spell pedophile.....
I sure hope that my story can help someone to never have to live the hell that is my life and my daughter's life.
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Where do I start
I raised my Grandson from birth till he was 4 years old he was taken away from me by his mother I have no comunication with him what so ever she had us arrested for tresspasing on the land we gave her only to lose the land I have not laid eyes on him but only from a distance since he has been gone I have been crying for 4 years the state of Alabama has done nothing to help the county I live in Cullman has done nothing to help. I grieve for him daily he is my world next to God I dont see why we cant get somthing done about this
You Should Never use your child as a Weapon. Altho there not together his dad wont talk to me either where does it end children should have rights.
They were gonna abort him and I put my foot down I dont believe in it he turned 8 yesterday its HURTS I will never get over losing my precious and only grandchild.
Thanks for listening I hope you can help.
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I have not been allowed to see my GC for more than 2 years because I objected to holiday plans. Prior to this infraction I had unlimited contact with my GC. We had always been close to our son who said that he wanted us to raise his children in the event of his and his wife’s death. For having an opinion I was cut off from my son and his children. I live 10 miles from them. This is the mental state of today’s parents. These people are raising the next generation of cruel insensitive people who will run this country 30 years from now. How scary is that!
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The corrupt court system permitted my children to be alienated from their parent, entire extended family, friends, and all they have known and loved by paying the alternator to relocate them half way across the country.
What do you tell your child who calls and asks, "When can I see you again?" The alternator tells my children that it is the judge who is not allowing us to spend together. This is a lie. The child abuse stops now!
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I separated 17 years ago from my husband and farming partnership. We had 2 girls aged 15 and 12 years. I moved into town off the farm and the girls came too. I was always their mainstay and indeed felt like a solo parent nearly all of the time I was married. My husband worked long hours off the farm our entire marriage and I came to the conclusion he did not want to even have a meal with us as after my eldest was about 11 years old, I realised that it wasn't going to happen unless there was a guest for dinner, in which case he would show up at the last minute and take centre stage (as if it were always like this).
Anyway, I probably stayed in the violent, abusive, isolating marriage far too long and in the end he was happy for me to go and indeed helped push me out as he had someone else in the wings. Never-the-less, the separation was civil as we always tried in front of the children but once he was on his feet and didn't need to, he reverted to his old self and we became estranged. To the point that even if there was something important to discuss re the girls, he would not want to give me the time to even talk to himand would insult me immediately saying more or less don't take up his time. I know him of old, and was of strong character so quickly realised that I could not include him in anyarenting decisions.
Moving on from this, my girls stayed with me for about 2 years but chose to go home to the farm pretty well every weekend. I respected this decision as it was not their fault that their parents split and I moved them away from their home ( even though they were happy to go live in town after years on an isolated farm) . During this time, they started not wanting me at their netball games (which I had been the junior coach , instigator, taxi, sideline mother since they were 8 years old). Also, my eldest told me she phoned her dad even though she knew he wasn't home - just to hear his voice on the answer phone. This rang alarm bells for me and I told her so (as kindly as I could as it was like a jilted lover would do). Her dad already had a live-in lover However, we didn't argue about it and my eldest (then 17) decided to leave school and move out to the farm permanently. Again, I did not oppose this, feeling that this was her right if that is what she wanted to do.
However, as I thought, she ended up being very lonely out there and just picking up, doing chores, cooking etc for her dad. So what she did then was pull my youngest daughter to move back home too. Going out of her way to pick my youngest up and take her to school. Phoning her all the time and not wanting to talk to me or see me and making out that I was not up to scratch as a mother (although, there was no reason and no altercation between us). My youngest was quite happy living with me but at 15 years old and close to her sister, she decided to go.
I didn't hear from them at all unless I phoned and mostly they just laughed and put the phone down if I dared say anything like motherly care or concern. This time was like the death of my family to me . I grieved and was hurt . However, did not confront them about this for fear of them showing the disrespect and uncaring behaviour they were already showing when I expressed any concern over teenage parties and driving they were doing and where I had no control and could not talk to their father about either.
I am telling you all this as this is the long lead up to my present situation. This was the pattern that was emerging from 17 years ago.
They are now aged 34 and 30. They are both married and have children. I have been allowed back Into their lives off and on ever since - generated by where my eldest daughter is in her life I.e. If she could use me, then I am reeled back in as long as I am seen and not heard so to speak) and perform the tasks she wants me to do I.e. Provide a home for her when her flatting situation collapsed ; help her out financially; help her fight a court case or job controversy; help her through a broken heart; help with her child care and purchasing their needs when she was financially strapped; help listen to her marriage problems and help pay for her wedding. Put up with her stealing a lot of money out of my account and only admitted it when the police discovered who it was.
During the past years I have been estranged for up to 3 years at a time by her, she just dictates the terms and I have no ulternative but to go along with it and hope for any crumbs of recognition/involvement she chooses to give me. She will be nice when it suits and not when it doesn't. However during this time, of course I developed a great love for her 2 children aged 9 and 5 now and they love me too. Although at first, my daughter encouraged this, This has become a bone of contention between us now for about 4 years. Once she realised that having children is now just a bind to her, her behaviour towards them has become quite hard and unforgiving / unloving and selfish. I hasten to add that she does not abandon her children and has to do a lot with them as she is now bringing them up on our family farm (my ex-husband has put a house on for her and her family plus a hairdressing salon as she is a qualified hairdresser now) so she has a lot to do with the small community school, driving her kids to meet the school bus, etc. although she does have reprieve when her husband is home from work and her dad is also home on the farm as they involve the children and also look after them when she is hairdressing or needs to go out. I.e. She usually has a ready babysitter on her doorstep. Hence my eldest daughter does not need me again now, particularly as she in as been more and more uncomfortable with my growing relationship with my grandchildren. I hasten to add here that I did not confront her on anything as I know that she will cut me off as she has previously and I would not see my grandchildren again.
However, a few days before Xmas when I went out to babysit the girls, I took a reindeer ornament for the house. My daughter hit the roof immediately shouting at me she didn't want it and was completely obnoxious to me saying she didn't want anything I took out to them, they don't play with any of my gifts and she didn't need me anyway. I dared to agree with her when she said she did not care what her children wanted. She then subjected me to a barrage of full-blown bellowing into my face, so I slapped it (not hard). She then was completely calm and said that I was a violent woman and everyone will hear about this. I was then not allowed to Xmas even though I had travelled 12000 miles to see them. I moved here 3 years ago as it all became too unbearable back then when she tended to befriend my sisters -2 of whom don't have children and they jumped at having a family around them. They have not been part of my life much whilst I was bringing up my children but have now come back in to find some sort of family closeness (which has been sadly lacking as our parents divorced and moved away years ago). They were not interested in my problems with my girls and loved having the parties, dinners and family times with my girls. I must admit I was finding it hard at the time to be the strong provider/mother that my girls might have liked as I was full time working in a stressful job as a solo middle aged woman. Keeping a house together with no support. Where as my sisters had partners, financial support and were being treated respectfully by my girls.
As I stated before, this has been ongoing for some time.
My youngest daughter is nicer and more balanced than her sister but has told me that her sister will always come first as she has always been there for her and she will not discuss her with me at all. She will also keep me out of family occasions if her sister is there.
I am now resigned to a skype call sometimes once or twice a month to my youngest daughter who also has a baby and has just become pregnant again. She does not want me to help her as I often offer to come back home and help out, particularly as she does not have good pregnancies and her son recently had a bad accident but she does not want it and did not want my help when she had her first. I did respect this as they want to do this themselves and have lots of friend and family support from my sisters, her sister, her father and step-mother, her mother and father Inlaw and of course her very hands on supportive husband, So when I am there, I find I'm just a visitor whom they have to accommodate every now and then.
This may sound like I am feeling very sorry for myself and that I put the blame on everyone else for my predicament. I just had to give you the run down on what has happened I my particular case. I have my theories as to why it has happened but you only want a short story.
I try to phone my estranged daughter every family birthday but she just puts the phone down. I send presents, cards, emails, regularly but have not heard back from her and didn't expect to - knowing how she has made this stand. But I send them anyway as that is what I want to do.
I heard recently from my other daughter, that I shouldn't send so much stuff as it's like I want to buy their love!! I can't do right for doing wrong in other words. Not sure where to go from here. Needless to say, the grief and overwhelming despair is constantly with me as I struggle to make sense of it all and keep working and trying to make a life for myself. Although I know I will want to go back to see my new grandchild when born next year. Which fills me with fear. I, don't dare to look forward to it as I was more or less turned away last year and the year before. I think It will be a case of being allowed in to see it, hold it, then see and hold it before I return to my country, that will probably be it meanwhile they will get together with the rest of the family to see my new grandchild and I will go to friends to console me all the while. Wishing I could be part of my family.
Hope this is enough info for your needs. Please advise if anything else required. And I would like to know and how I can see the stories on your website
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In August 2010 my daughter (my only child) who was expecting my first grandchild called to tell me she had a very special birthday gift for me on September 25. She asked me if I would accompany her and her husband to their doctor’s appointment on that day to see the baby on an ultrasound and then find out the gender of my first grandchild. We talked many times in anticipation of that day. When I got to her house my daughter met me at the door. As we walked in my son-in-law barely looked at us and never spoke. My daughter looked uncomfortable. She pulled me aside and told me we could not go in to the appointment with her after all. I could tell that there was an issue brewing with her husband and decided it would be best if we just left.
That day after her appointment my daughter and her husband posted on facebook that I had attempted to force my way into their appointment when it should have been a private moment between an husband and wife! I was then told I would NEVER see this baby nor have any part of her life. This little girl has a very large and loving extended family that want to know her.
My son-in-law is from a very dysfunctional and sordid family. The parents held swap parties on the weekends while the boys were growing up.
That life perverted my son-in-law. A friend of theirs came to me concerned about my daughter’s safety. She showed me a video on the internet of my daughter. In the video my daughter was talking with a man as if it were an interview. They made fun of us for teaching Sunday School. She tells her boyfriend she loves him. Then six men proceed to slap my daughter around, spit in her mouth, have sex with her in every way you cannot imagine and degrade her like nothing I have ever seen. It was clear from her eyes she was drugged. There were more videos I would not watch. She ended this one when the man told her to wave at her mother and tell her what a good little whore she is.
The parents of this precious baby have live sex with friends as they broadcast it over the internet to perverts who pay for this service.
That is the life my granddaughter is growing up in. My daughter’s goal in life now is to be a big name porn star. The courts and attorneys tell me that being in porn does not mean a mother is unfit. And the line I have come to hate; unless you show the child is being subjected to drugs or has been touched there is no case. My heart aches as I worry what my granddaughter sees and hears. My arms ache to hold her.
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I am an alienated father for 10 years. Ever since the beginning of the divorce. I have not heard anything, nor do I know anything about my two daughters for the last 3 years.
I did everything possible to be a part of my daughters' lives before and after the divorce. After the divorce, my ex cut off all communication between me and my daughters and my family. They did not answer nor return phone calls, except a handful, literally about 5 phone calls in 10 years.
All information was hidden from me, including my ex Baker acting my blind daughter under suspicious circumstances; She charged my totally blind daughter with Battery against her under suspicious circumstances.
I was told by the therapist that performed my ex's first Personality inventory that my ex was a Sociopath. Whenever a Judge would find her at fault, or she was found out by someone else like her own attorney, my blind daughter would go the Emergency Room the same, or the next day.
My ex's MMPI summary came back with "evidence of Aggression, Antiosocial Behavior, and Problems with Authority". She scored on the Psychopathic Deviant Subscale. I was told by a Therapist working with the Parent Coordinator, that the Parent Coordinator was having sex with my ex. The Parent Coordinator hid the results of my ex's first psychological test from the Judge, to protect himself.
My ex claimed to be: 1. a "master manipulator who could outspin the spinners" and 2. that "she could control any man through sex"
She has proven that to be true with the P.C. and very likely 2 Judges.
It is difficult to get anything done when the entire process has been adulterated. All the while my ex has held my daughters hostage, as a Dept. of Children Families veteran has stated.
When my ex has been found at fault, my daughters have paid a price. When she was disciplined at work, my blind daughter was removed from her school without, cut off from all social contacts, and then driven into clinical depression without any information to me. She has tried to keep me from having any information or contact with my daughters, so that she could control the message and their minds.
When the Judge finally wrote the order he promised 16 months earlier stating that if there was any more contempt, there would be a jail sentence, the next day an accidental phone call came to me after I was asleep. The call went to voicemail. It sounded as though the now 3rd ex husband walked in on my ex trying to do something sexual with my 16 year old daughter. You can hear my ex trying to place the blame on my daughter for what she was doing with our daughter, when the 3rd ex husband walked in on her.
It has been hopeless to get anything done in the courts, because I believe the Judges were compromised.
There are 3 generations of this alienating behavior by the mothers in my ex wife's family. My parents have been married for 62 years, and love one another. They have not seen my daughters in most of 10 years because of the alienating behavior of my ex and her mother.
I love my daughters and have done everything thing I had the resources to do to be there for them, to communicate that I love them, and that I am still here for them. It has proven ineffective when Judge's, who have clearly seen her at fault, and made threats, but won't carry these threats out.
My heart goes out to all the other alienated parents and grandparents. I pray for a day that Parental Alienating is labeled, "Child Abuse" and steps are take in the Courts to protect these children from the disturbed parents who have perpetrated on them in every way.
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This is my story, I have a daughter who was born with a terrible rare disease a form of cancer, her body makes to many Lymph nodes and they have no where to go but to create tumors all through her body,my daughter has had two surgeries to find out the second time that when air hits it spreads, she was told at the age of 15 she would be lucky to live through her twenty's she is now 35 years old, she suffers in pain so much, Doctors told her she will either be smothered or paralyzed which ever comes first, so at the age of 15 she was put on narcotic's and took them for all these years, her living an attics life was no fault of her own with no help for some one like my daughter.
My daughter was told that she would not have any children at the age of 15, when she turned 24 years old she had her first baby boy, then another baby boy, then a little girl, she was so happy to have them to love, we all was so blessed to have them, some time after she had her last baby she started taking more of her medicine, her body had gotten immune so she started taking more and more, then she started on morphine, CPS showed up at her apt asked her to take a pee test with no warrant and took her children, The childrens Dad was clean no drugs but they still took the children, we spent over $13000.00 trying to keep the children in the family, My daughter was terminated within 3 months, her oldest brother and his wife tried to get them, they had not ever been in trouble but CPS said it was to late, she was not offered any professional help or hope, just to do for herself, finally about a year later she found out about a drug called subutext, I'm not sure if I am spelling it right, she had to go out of state to get it and was paying out of her pocket, she said it was a miracle, she no longer craved narcotic's and was gaining some weight and felt normal, it help some with pain but not all, the main thing is it helped her get off nacotic's.
So you see, if someone would have cared enough and not done her this way, I would not be having to fight to see my grandchildren, it breaks my heart for those children to think that we didn't fight for them, for them to be lied to, and for them to think their mother will die before they can see her. CPS has been nothing short of cold and cruel to do this to a family with no remorse. The children was taken from a different county where my daughter was living.
Thank You Family Access for giving us hope
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Alienation. A word that certainly describes the situation my family is experiencing.
The mother of our child, whom is now 14 years old, took it upon herself to relocate from our home town. She moved there because she fell in love with a man from another state. They wanted to move and live happily ever after together.
When I discovered she wanted to move away (she never told me she was moving), I made an application to Supreme Court to block the move. The Judge denied my application even after I showed through personal testimony and providing a number of affidavits speaking of the fact that I was indeed a good father, and I am a great father. The Judge though said, “I am not here to babysit the two of you…it will be up to you both to come up with a fair visitation plan.”
I provided proof and testimony that my ex frequently denied me the court ordered access I was provided in Supreme Court. However, because she was awarded full custody, the ex had the final say. I had no recourse. This is how our family courts work.
Fairness and equality are not in existence in family courts here in Canada. In the 10 years we were separated (divorced for 9 years), I maintained my efforts to be a great Dad and my daughter knows and feels that. And anyone who has seen us together can see the love between Father and Daughter.
So why does the Mother act maliciously? Mean? Unfairly? To both me and her own daughter and, to the rest of our daughters family? I may never get an answer. All I want is what is best for my daughter. Moving her away from her home, her Dad, her last surviving Grandparent and the rest of her family was wrong.
Since they left last September, my contact with my daughter has been cut off. For the first 8 months, I had no contact what so ever. I did not know their address for 4 months. I sent letters and packages and many were returned. When I finally got contact, it was great. We spoke for a few minutes on the phone but it was cut short by her Mother. Contact since that phone call has been minimal.
Why would a parent do that to their child and to the other parent? It is beyond my scope of understanding. It is painful to lose a child. I can only guess what it might be like for my little girl.
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Anniversaries.
We often mark a date on a calendar to signify an event we want or need to remember. Could be a marriage, a birth, getting that new job. Or it could be important to remember where you are and what happened to you and your loved ones.
In August of 2004, my wife left me. She was on her third affair. At the time, I was not aware at all. Our daughter was 4 years of age and keeping my family intact was very important to me. I loved my wife and forgave her for the first affair. It was after our 1st pregnancy ended in a miss-carriage. (The second affair I did not find out about until 1 year after she left me in 2004).
She took our daughter for a weekend away to see her Mom, my daughters Grandmother. And she never came back to our family home we made. So, I quit my job and moved to to be close to my daughter. For the most part, in the first few years, the visitation was pretty consistent. Little did I know at the time of our divorce that many Fathers (Mothers are awarded custody in about 85% of cases) get the “standard” access agreement; every other weekend and every Wednesday. I accepted…I had no choice.
The fellow she had the affair turned out to be a Bully, to me and my family. A real piece of work, as some would describe. He would often pick up my daughter in front of me and hide her from me behind his body. It was hard on her as she screamed for me. It was hard on me as well. The only thing I could do was blow kisses to my daughter, tell her I loved her and walk away.
On my daughter's 6th birthday, I picked her up from school, we went shopping for a new dress and went out for a very “grown-up” dinner…that’s what she wanted….very cute, by the way. At 8pm, I brought her home to her Mothers house. I said goodbye, left the house and was immediately assaulted with a piece of wood. The “bully” was waiting for me. He grabbed me by the hair and pounded my face into the sidewalk. I was left in a very bad state. Police were called, he was arrested and later charged and convicted.
Once my face healed and stiches came out, my ex and I met with our daughter to have a family conference.The Bully, was no longer in our lives, we both told our daughter. This was a decision her Mother and I made together when she came to visit me in Emergency.
Two weeks later, my ex was back with the Bully. That is but one nasty chapter in my and my daughters life.
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Alienation. A word that certainly describes the situation my family is experiencing.
The mother of our child, whom is now 14 years old, took it upon herself to relocate from our home town She moved because she fell in love with a man . They wanted to move and live happily ever after together.
When I discovered she wanted to move away (she never told me she was moving), I made an application to Supreme Court to block the move. The Judge denied my application even after I showed through personal testimony and providing a number of affidavits speaking of the fact that I was indeed a good father, and I am a great father. The Judge though said, “I am not here to babysit the two of you…it will be up to you both to come up with a fair visitation plan.”
I provided proof and testimony that my ex frequently denied me the court ordered access I was provided in Supreme Court. However, because she was awarded full custody, the ex had the final say. I had no recourse. This is how our family courts work.
Fairness and equality are not in existence in family courts here in my country. In the 10 years we were separated (divorced for 9 years), I maintained my efforts to be a great Dad and my daughter knows and feels that. And anyone who has seen us together can see the love between Father and Daughter.
So why does the Mother act maliciously? Mean? Unfairly? To both me and her own daughter and, to the rest of our daughters family? I may never get an answer. All I want is what is best for my daughter. Moving her away from her home, her Dad, her last surviving Grandparent and the rest of her family was wrong.
Since they left last September, my contact with my daughter has been cut off. For the first 8 months, I had no contact what so ever. I did not know their address for 4 months. I sent letters and packages and many were returned. When I finally got contact, it was great. We spoke for a few minutes on the phone but it was cut short by her Mother. Contact since that phone call has been minimal.
Why would a parent do that to their child and to the other parent? It is beyond my scope of understanding. It is painful to lose a child. I can only guess what it might be like for my little girl.
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My children at 15, and 17, were allowed to choose which parent to reside with during my divorce. My children chose my husband, which I understood, since he retained the home. Immediately my children had to sneak visits to me unbeknownst to their father out of fear of retaliation. Their attitude toward started to change toward me as well. My children and I got along very well until I had to leave. They lived with their father while attending college and I would hear less and less of them. My ex introduced my son to his future wife and within two months he cut me out of his life completely. I was not invited to his wedding and I have never been allowed to see my new grandson. My daughter has aligned herself with my son and her father now. She is getting married this year and I understand I will not be invited despite my attempts to reconcile our relationship. I was divorced 15 yrs. ago and whenever I've called my children they refuse to answer the phone. I was a good mother to my children and the only reason for this behavior is brainwashing due to parental alienation by their borderline personality father. I'm afraid I will lose them forever as their are now in their 30's.
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My husband and his ex-wife divorced in 2005 by her request. He signed the waiver form and allowed her complete control over the divorce process. She took full advantage of him not being in court and asked for supervised visits for him through his aunt. He was unaware she was going to do that. His ex-wife then asked him to come back to her and he did so that he would have more access to his children. This would become the pattern multiple times per year over the next 7 years. They would break up and get back together again. Every time they would be considered a couple, he would have full access to his 2 boys without reserve or 2nd thought. Every time they would terminate the relationship, she would with-hold his children and use the supervised visitation schedule as leverage for him to come back yet again. In 2011, my husband and I met each other. The alienation began full force once she figured out he had a new girlfriend; now wife. The alienation at that point became severe enough that he is no longer allowed to see his children at all. His visitation hours is during school hours because it was set so long ago, the children were babies and now they are in school. He has not seen his boys in 2 years. Further, she has filed physical violence allegations, and sexual allegations against him in efforts to deny him access because we filed in court. The worst part is that she has coached the children for the last 2 years and TAUGHT THEM HOW TO HATE THEIR DAD. What once was a very loving father and child relationship is now torn to shreds with very small steps to gaining some sort of relationship. Often, he sadly says, "I will never have my boys back. I will just have to get to know the new boys and hope to build a relationship with who my boys will be by the time that I see them again, because the little boys that I last saw are no more." Alienation is ABUSE. His ex-wife telling the children sexually graphic things to say as a defense when the police closed the allegations as UNFOUNDED is ABUSE. Children need both of their parents and they need their loving grandparents! Their grades have dropped in school. It is hard to find a picture of them on the internet smiling, because they usually look sad in pictures. PARENTAL ALIENATION AND GRANDPARENT ALIENATION IS CHILD ABUSE. We will FIGHT for their rights to have EQUAL ACCESS to their grandparents who they have not seen in 3 years and to their dad as well as step family. They deserve better than what she has given them. We WILL NOT GIVE UP.
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August 7th. my daughter in law (who is bipolar) tried committing suicide 3 times. She had been put on a medication for seizures. She left a note to my son saying she needed time. She took my 2 grandkids and drove out of state to stay with her real father. She is foreign born and my grandkids have duel citizenship. She and my son talked and it was agreed he fly to them to drive them back home. 3 days later she once again left a note and drove out of state to be at her father's. This time my son had no recourse but to file for divorce. My son asked an emergency order not allowing her to leave the country. The judge said it wasn't an emergency, even tho she is still close to her family out of country. My son sent 2 cell phones to the kids. We talked and chatted on Skype. Now since my daughter in law found out my 7&8 yrs old did that she turned off their phones and changed her dad's number.
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It has been almost 9 years. He was just a baby the last time we laid eyes on him. 6 months old to be exact. Now, he is living in the same city as my husband and I but we cant see him, touch him, hug him, love him, nothing. Yet, he bears my husband's name within his own, and he is a spitting image of my husband, and my husband is paying child support. The mother of this boy is a vindictive, narcissistic sociopath, who could care less that she ripped him right out of our arms. He calls her boyfriend daddy and knows nothing about the family who share his name, and who love and miss him dearly. Our 4 children which my husband and I share together know of their oldest alienated brother and they are always asking me when they will see him. I tell them "soon" because it is the only shred of hope I have to cling to. We are a low income family, so obtaining a lawyer to simply obtain visitation is almost unheard of. as soon as we come close to saving to get visitation, we are taken to court for non payment of child support by the mother. My husband has been jailed 2 times, and 3 times more he's avoided jail because we obtained an attorney. She knows what she is doing, and the whole world is blindly working in her favor. My 4 children who live in our home have to suffer. We have to struggle each month to get them what they need, and in fear of my husband going to jail, we barely keep up with support for the child withheld from us. Child support cares about the 1 child, but not our 4 living with us. This system is a crooked one, and we have mentioned in court how we never see the child in question, but there is no sympathy, or even a hand to reach out and help us. We are lost in the world of greed, and are we to teach our children and their children that this is what's right? I won't dare teach them that wickedness. The boyfriend who bears the name "daddy" has endangered my step son by running from the cops at high speeds, and the mother has physically attacked me, twice, before the alienation began, and we have documented evidence and police reports to prove our side, yet we are still not heard because we don't have the money to be heard. They have already raped us for everything we have, including our dignity. On top of being a terrible person, she is victorious in her efforts because the laws are somehow favorable to her. Please tell me how this is legal? What is the logic behind it? There are a million questions I feel there will never be an answer to as long as the family court stays the way it is. Please help our family obtain justice, we have suffered long enough.
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On January 9, 2012 my son was diagnosed with an aggressive form of bone cancer called Ewing’s Sarcoma. At this time his son, my grandson, had just turned 2 years old. My husband and I had bonded closely with our grandson because we had been regularly caring for him since age 2 weeks. To keep my story brief I will forego the vast details surrounding my son’s relentless battle with the demon called cancer however, he battled courageously for a little over a year undergoing chemo, a major 12 hour cardio-thoracic surgery, more chemo and 6 weeks of radiation. The point being during this time my husband, myself and my entire family were there for not only my son and daughter-in-law but especially our grandson. As if we weren’t all surviving in a living hell called cancer my daughter-in-law filed for divorce 4 months after my son started treatments and 1 week after he came home from surgery, while still unable to fully care for himself. Needless to say we were all in shock. Our family banded together and helped make other living arrangements for my son as he no longer had a home. When the court date for custody of my grandson came around the judge seemed to be overwhelmed at the situation that my son had been placed in, as well as, the number of family members present in court. The judge granted joint custody giving each parent every other week. My son was on a strict chemotherapy regimen and if he was scheduled for chemo on a week when he was scheduled to have his son my husband and I gladly kept him at our home. The schedule stayed this way and the last week of my son’s life was his week to have his son. On Thursday of that week he was transported from our hometown hospital to a major university hospital for respiratory distress. My grandson was with us and the next morning his Dad, before he was placed on artificial life support, asked to call his son to tell him he loved him. My son passed away on March 13, 2013.
It is as if my family has suffered two deaths. One being my son that I can’t bring back and the other my grandson who has been taken away for no reason other than his father passed away. We saw our grandson twice shortly after his father’s death and he has been to our home once a year later. We live in the same town/county, his daycare is approximately one mile from our house and his mother works 2 miles from our house. We have done nothing but love him since birth and yet we are being alienated. Please everyone get out and make 2015 the year for Families!
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That last Sunday morning, I woke, went to the restroom, turned the heat up a little bit, started the coffee and crawled back in bed. A few minutes later, I heard a rustle from the crib across the room, opened my eyes and looked at a little red headed toddler who sat up and rubbed his sleepy eyes.
I waved good morning and smiled from my pillow. He grinned at me and flopped down; face in the piles of stuffed animals and butt in the air. He raised his head, I waved, he grinned, and on it went until he was ready to get up. Finally he stood up . “Hi Granny!” I went to the crib, lifted him out, hugged him and whispered, “Hi ----- man. Let’s go see George!”
He lay on the couch and watched the start of ‘Curious George’ while I changed him and gave him his Sippy cup of apple juice. After a few minutes and draining his juice, he asked, “Where ----? Sleeping?” I nodded yes, put my fingers to my mouth indicating quiet, and went for my cup of coffee. As soon as I was out of reach, he hopped off the couch and ran laughing into the bedroom to tackle his older sister in her youth bed.
Even in a dead sleep, she knew it was her little brother and started to smile before she opened her eyes. Seconds later my three and a half year old towhead and her two and a half year old brother were racing through my apartment, laughing, squealing, and starting my day, a wondrous chaos of the two little people who I love most – my grandchildren.
We ate, bathed, got ready for Sunday school. Soon their parents would pick them up and take them to church, giving me a few minutes to shower, dress, and to join them. From Friday evening until Sunday morning, for three years, this was my life and I loved it.
I never saw them again.
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My grandchildren are victims of Grandparent Alienation. Our son, with whom we always had a wonderful relationship, married a woman who is a habitual alienator. She even alienated her own parents for more than a year prior to marrying our son. Her mother warned me that we would never see our grandchildren if we were to cross her daughter. In the past couple of years we have seen our son undergo a radical change in personality. He went from a sweet loving son to a mean angry stranger. We fear that he is a victim of emotional abuse at the hands of his wife. If he were to challenge her decisions he would likely be the victim of PA (Parental Alienation) That is another travesty hoisted upon innocent children as a result of divorce. Our son is stuck between a rock and a hard place. This is why it is so very important to put in place legislation that could prevent this kind of horrific abuse by the parents of these helpless children.
I frequently cared for my grandchildren in my home and we had a wonderful loving relationship. But in Nov. of 2011, I dared to object to holiday plans that excluded us from Christmas morning festivities. Now my husband and I have been banned from our precious grandchildren and our son will not speak to us. This has gone on for more than two years. Emails and letters go answered. We live just 10 miles away from them. We fear that they would call the police if we were to go to their home. Our grandchildren are 4 and 6 years of age. At one time our son told us that he wanted us to raise his children if he and his wife were to die. Our son invited my husband, our younger son and myself to serve as sponsors during the baptism ceremony of our grandchildren. We are law abiding, responsible, respectable people. We have been married 42 years. We don’t drink, smoke or do drugs. My husband has worked for the same company for 37 years and I have driven a school bus for 19 years. We put our sons through college and helped our estranged son buy his first home. My husband even got him a job with his employer. Our children are well educated successful individuals. Our estranged son is a Mechanical Engineer and our non estranged son is a Pharmacist. By most standards we did an excellent job parenting our children.
None of this makes any sense. We were suddenly banished from the lives of our grandchildren over holiday plans. We were stunned. Can you imagine what is going through the impressionable little minds of our grandchildren? What do their parents tell them about us? The children may believe that we don’t love them and don’t want to see them. The hurt and confusion they must feel has to be horrible. This is abuse of the worst kind. A mind is a terrible thing to destroy because immature selfish parents are harboring a grudge. These people are sick and should not be allowed to ignore the rights and well being of their own children. Children across the country are being used as pawns in a sick game of revenge. These are not the actions of immature teen parents. These are adults who know exactly what they are doing. Our son and his wife are 40 years old. Our family units are being destroyed as alienation reaches endemic proportions.
In the absence of abuse, Children should have access to all of their family members. My grandchildren do not see our younger son nor do they see any members of my extended family. The only paternal family they have access to is my husband’s father and brother and the visits are very controlled. Being denied access to certain targeted family members teaches children to hate and creates a lack of compassion and empathy for the suffering of others. Being alienated from my son and his family is the most painful experience of my life. It’s a nightmare that I can not wake from. Not only are our grandchildren being abused but aging grandparents are being abused as well. Please pass legislation to protect innocent children from this awful abuse. At the very least we should have programs for children in school that teaches them that alienation in all forms is wrong. It is bullying and it is abusive. They should be encouraged to report this abuse so they can receive counseling. This form of abuse, just like other forms of abuse, tends to repeat in subsequent generations. It must be stopped. You may not be experiencing alienation in your family at this time but no one is immune. Perhaps one of your children or grandchildren will marry an alienator and your family will be destroyed as mine has been. It can happen to anyone at any time and once it happens there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I wish you and your family the best.
Sincerely,
Heartbroken Grandmother
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Our Severe Alienation Saga: 2003-2009
5 years ago this month, I cancelled trial in a corrupt circus custody battle in a severe parental alienation case. Unbeknownst to me at the time I was suffering and later diagnosed and treated for Battered Woman’s Syndrome. This fact as well as many others were overlooked in our extreme case of Domestic Violence and severe parental alienation: other stunning facts of “false memories of hatred created in D___(my youngest son) for his mother”, “the worse case of severe parental alienation I have ever seen in 20 years of family law practice” and numerous other travesties which occurred in our 6 year $300,000 custody battle were dismissed and reversal of custody not an option so I cancelled trial August 2009 and put my children in God’s hands as I knew that without reversing custody of our 3 children, their Alienator/Abuser father would continue the bullying, shaming, abusing our children in our private hell when they expressed love for me or an interest to see me, etc. There was no partial ground here. My children would have contined to suffer without reversal of custody-being away from the Brainwasher for a time at least.
It has been a long arduous journey without my 3 children of whom I was a stay-at-home mother, swim team Mom, Bible school teacher, etc. My husband –the Narcissist/Severe Alienator/Abuser is a stockbroker in our local community.
The sorrow and damage emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially done to me has been incalculable with no reconnection in sight especially as Dr. Craig Childress has so eloquently emerged with the truth of what really happens in these cases –the children’s attachment system has literally been decimated -the innate bonding to primary figures in their lives specifically a cherished mother/father and future spouses. Their authentic selves have been absorbed by the Personality Disorder of the Alienating Parent. It is a really sick dynamic perpetrated upon one's own children by an Alienator.
Did I add that “long term damage to the children without their mother” and numerous ignoring of court orders-therapy appointments, 18 Plus missed visitations with my middle son who hung in with me the longest duration before he too succumbed to the severe psychological enmeshment and “cult of control and narcissism’ of his father? As the other 2 children wre more quickly consumed by the programming of the father, they didn’t have a chance.
The psychologist/custody evaluator took over 12 months to complete our initial custody evaluation. In which time 2 of my 3 children were already consumed by hatred and fear created in them for me by their father. The complete lack of enforcement of court-orders for communication via phone calls and visitations with my middle son was astounding as the steamrolling train of alienation and abuse ran over and crushed any semblance of decency and relationships of sacred parent-child love and adoration my children and I once enjoyed together. Grandparents and the entire maternal side of the family was cut out of our children’s lives due to malpractice and failure in family court and mental health professionals entirely. The profound failure by this Phd psychologist to obtain information outside of the narrative created by the Alienator about my character, our relationships, events, etc is a case for malpractice in the future I pray.
Although family members, my own psychologist at the time, and friends wrote letters and attempted phone calls to this custody evaluator advocating for me and my children and the truth of the abuse and alienation of what was really happening and to please rescue the children, the evaluator never returned the calls nor heeded the pictures and letters given to him substantiating what was real and true in our family before the lies took on a life of their own and the Alienator’s picture became the accepted reality. The lack of communication with family members and friends to establish a full accurate picture of our family relationships before my hospitalization (gaslighting too was used to try and make me look like a crazy person) my children were left virtually in the care of this Abuser who indoctrinated them-made them utterly disrespectful and hateful of me twisted their minds, decimated their attachment-bonds of our 3 children who adored me and called me “Mom” to then calling me by my 1st name. I even became expendable-which is completely antithesis of the way human bonding to a parent works-saying “Dad has a girlfriend now so we don’t need you anymore…..you were just our birthmother”.
The mental health professionals involved in our case all listened to the narrative the Alienating father created as his ventriloquist puppets-which 2 of my 3 children became-echoed a story of lies that were accepted as truth unequivocally by custody evaluator and mental health professionals and even my own attorney sat on his hands during hearings in our case. I was very traumatized at the time through the deepening levels of insanity and depravity my ex-husband the Alienator was going to to hurt our kids and me and our relationships so at the time I trusted my attorney, but he gave full custody away-which no attorney should ever do for no founded reason but to protract the litigation-so I would spend $$$ to fight and litigate a longer battle to regain custody and time with my children.
I was sent to the 1st PAS Symposium in Canada in February 2009 by a woman Phd psychologist who I was seeing at the time healing from documented abuse by my ex-husband“to find someone who can rescue your kids and fix this situation” which I did attend at my expense. Again the custody evaluator failed to speak with this psychologist who was supportive of my legal attempts to regain custody and advocating for our children to have their deserved and needed relationship with me, their mother, however this woman psychologist was never consulted before this evaluator in our 2nd evaluation March 2009 recommended “Good Bye session for the children with their mother”. My sister in law also in frantic attempts to reach this custody evaluator to tell him the truth about what was happening as my ex told her “she will never see these children again”.
I hired a Phd/JD to remedy this once and finally to secure my childrens’ rights and my parental rights at another $80,000 in summer 2009 who basically told me “ You should have killed him. Under Domestic Violence laws in this state you would have been out in 3 years and safely with your children.”
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My daughter turns 3 oct.7 2014. We have spent approximately 3 weeks together in her lifetime. My daughter and myself have done nothing wrong to deserve this. This is my first child and I am her daddy. I believe in my heart that my first child was stolen from me. I called this premeditated kidnapping before conception. The mother has alienated and programs my daughter from me from the very beginning with the assistance of her family and a convicted felon and allowing and manipulating the state and its contractors of DHS to aid her. I have tried to give cps and dhs multiple documents and recordings of the mental and emotional abuse but have been rejected through HIPPA law. This is without a doubt extortion and kidnapping in my opinion. There is no rights for the father or the child in this state . Lost confused hurt and traumatized.
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I AM A NON CUSTODIAL MOTHER OF TWO CHILDREN. I PETITIONED THE COURT FOR PROTECTION BECAUSE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. SINCE 2005 TO TODAY I SUFFER I ENDURE 4 Years of harassment by the DCFS. Poor investigation by the law enforcement. 6 years of monitored visits.That have been suspended since last year. The judge stated because my son was "bored". Not to mention severe AP for my daughter that I have been informed must be in continuous counseling that the judge abruptly stopped after a evaluator urgently recommended. I am left with Skype phone calls to today. Please I seek your mercy and help please stop the suffering my children and I endure.BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF DUE PROCESS AND JUSTICE IN MY STATES FAMILY LAW COURTS. MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED FROM ME AND AS A RESULT MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED, THEIR HEARTS HAVE BEEN HARDENED AGAINST ME. THROUGH A CONTINUOUS ALIENATION PROCESS. "AP" HAS TORN MY CHILDREN AND I APART AND AS A RESULT HAS CAUSED SEVERE DAMAGE TO OUR EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL STABILITY. MY EX BELIEVES WITH THE SUPPORT OF THE FAMILY LAW COURT THAT THIS IS "To the best interest of our children". LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY AND TRANSPARENCY IN OUR FAMILY LAW COURTS HAS RESULTED IN ALIENATION AGAINST ME AND SEVERE PAIN AND SUFFERING FOR ME AND MY CHILDREN. PLEASE HELP ME SAVE MY FAMILY.
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My twin children were taken by their mother to another state without the judges permission or their fathers permission. I have gone threw hell and back for the past year losing my career job as a firefighter and also lost everything due to having to hire two attorneys from both states to combat the false accusations, manipulation, and constant high conflict by her in our custody case. Emotionally it has been a nightmare in her telling me I will not get anymore time with my children and that no judge will allow it. My family has been lost in the dust and the alienation is extreme by her and her family. I grew up without my biological father and it created a lot of damage in my childhood and I don't want the same for my beautiful children. In the period of one year I saw children dying on my job and a lot of suffering in which I had a complete emotional breakdown. As a man people have expected me to be strong but with all that has happened I could not be the person I normally was which was strong. I had no help financially and began losing everything I worked for, for fourteen years. This needs to stop laws need to be created which don't allow parents to just hop state lines and file in a different state if no court order has already been in place. It causes overdue financial strain, breaks families apart, and it deprives children of the love of one parent. I have been lost without them, I don't know how to even fight this. State jumpers should be viewed as criminals and whoever is involved in helping them should also be viewed as criminals and should be prosecuted as accordingly. Thank you a very concerned and alienated father.
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I'm a mother who has a son with autism and we went through CPS hell after I advocated for his care in a mental hospital .
I lost him to his abusive father who barley knew his son and has previous child endangerment charges and drug charges and currently sells drugs , my son was abused there and then put with my my alcoholic father where he was abused verbally with threats of physical abuse to me And my son .
He was sent back to me and is a mess in every way . He has autism and he has severe behavior issues and the effects of the trauma has magnified the problems he already had.
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My EX took my Autistic grandson-my only grand baby and expect to never let me see him again.
After sons rights were terminated I tried to Intervene and also tried to Adopt - Cps said I had no standing and immediately gave pmc to a distant relative!
I have been in a horrific custody battle going on 5 years . My ex-husband attain custody do to false accusations and lies. By the time I was cleared of all charges by CPS. The Judge gave him full custody and them recused himself. I am one of the many cases Cps screwed up. Not only the Cps worker fired but the Judge recused himself. Now, my children have been brain washed for going on 5 years. I was primary parent with joint custody. MY EX didn't like this so the games began. I am a text book case for dirty pool. family courts are far from just. They deal only in hear say and fabrications, without an ounce of proof. I had no idea are nation allows courts to legally steal children from their mothers or fathers. All I want is to be a part of my children's life, but the father has it out for me. I am still jumping thru hoops with no progress just lots of money and no time with my children. I'm sure you hear cries of help from everyone that writes in. If there is any light you can shed on subject let me know. I am still fighting, but, to see no progress is heart wrenching. Thanks for your time.
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Father and mother lived together and split before baby was born after Father became aware of sexual abuse issues with her other children and Child Protective Services started to question Father for the mother’s actions such as leaving children home alone unsupervised. Mother told Father that she knew the system with her other two previous children and Father would not have a chance at custody of their son when born. Father asked to be a part of working together to care for the baby when born and asked to be notified so he could be there after son was born while mother avoided contact. Father tried contacting attorneys who told him nothing could be done until child was born.
Father was notified by a coworker that a birth noticed was published in the local paper of his son’s birth. Father filed for the Father’s Adoption Registry as advised by attorneys. Father begged to see son with minimal response from mother. Mother let Father see the son for a couple of hours two weeks after his son was born on two occasions. Father asked for a DNA test, filed a motion to establish paternity, and asked mother to setup a weekly time that he could see his son. It is believed mother then received counsel and was advised to not let Father establish a relationship with his son, as all communications stopped except for a return legal motion to establish child support.
The case drew on and Father did not see his son for 9 months before a court hearing established temporary parenting time. A custody evaluator met with parents to establish the “child’s best interests” which found most things neutral between the parents, but a few things such as the mother having other children was used in the child’s best interest to say that mother had more experience parenting. (Father worked in the medical field and and had special education with pediatrics, but was ignored). Father became aware that the same court used this same scenario on another father similarly situated and said that because this father had multiple children, he was irresponsible – an obvious double standard application of the child’s best interests. Also established was that Father did not have an established relationship with the child and maintaining continuity in Mother’s “permanent and stable” home would be best and would benefit from interaction of his half siblings in Mother’s care, but no opinion was used that mother had refused to let him see his son and she forced him to not be able to establish a relationship, despite efforts to do so. Also ignored was Mother’s moving around, not having a stable and permanent home. Mother was ordered not to move away during the proceeding, but despite being caught by a private investigator (although was not brought in as evidence because attorneys advised it would show conflict and work against asking for joint custody), found she was violating the court’s order and moved 100+ miles away living with another man.
Father requested joint physical and legal custody. The court granted mother sole custody and joint legal custody between the two. Father filed for Bankruptcy and had to sell his house he purchased just two years earlier, taking a loss. Father moved to the same metropolitan area that mother moved to, to be closer to his son, and mother responded by moving again, an hour north of the location. Father was court ordered a heavy child support burden, around $1400/month, by imputing income from a contract job where they took what he made the most in one month and multiplied it by 12 (to come up with yearly earnings) and said that is what Father could make. Mother bought a new house, new car, etc. Father never missed parenting time.
Father took a gender discrimination and argument for a presumption of joint physical custody to the state’s Supreme Court. They refused to hear it, but the state’s Court of Appeals published their opinion. The court of appeals refused to apply that Father had signed a recognition of parentage that established legal custody, the same as a married father would be, and argued they could legally discriminate against unwed fathers because the state had a duty to provide for the (illegitimate) children where the father might not be known, and rejected his argument for a presumption of joint physical custody.
Father years later became aware of behavior through the school, of his son’s sexualized behavior. His son spoke of the details of his step-brother having sex with him acting out behaviors. Father reported this to Child Protective Services, and filed a motion for temporary custody for endangerment. A Guardian Ad Litem evaluated circumstances. Father was able to show endangerment of his son in his Mother’s care and Father received sole physical custody and they have joint legal custody. The step-brother was noted to have been sexually abused by her boyfriend’s son who was a registered sex offender juvenile. Mother also had a history of sexual abuse in the family.
After the change of primary custody to Father, Mother moved away 4+ hours from the Father’s location, believe to attempt to burden father with transportation for her every-other weekend visits. Mother quit her job and said she couldn’t find work. Her child support is based on minimum guidelines for herself. The courts would not impute what she was making or had the capability to make, with college accounting degrees and her past career income. Mediation was used, the parties split transportation, but Mother rarely met the father. She always had a family member or her boyfriend do the driving as the Mother’s boyfriend lived near the Father and some were truck drivers who did the drive anyway. Thus, Father was burdened with transportation while Mother was not. Mother has since had more children for a total of five children from at least four different dads and appears to consume welfare, public benefits, and private donations from faith-based institutions such as housing.
Father became more aware a couple of years later when their son came to him crying and was reporting Mother abusing him, hitting him, making him work paper routes in the middle of the cold winter night, coming home with blisters on his feet, not having a bed to sleep on, sleeping and showering with his mother at times, was threatened with arson, and more. Father on advice of attorneys asked Mother to meet with a mediator to establish a safety plan before allowing his son to return to the environment. Mother refused and stopped seeing son. Mother continued phone calls with son, but then started using them to talk to child about custody and issues against father that he was removing him from her. Mother was asked to discontinue this but did not, so these phone calls stopped on advice from attorneys and counselors. Mother was notified again to work out a safety plan with the mediator, set up safe parenting time, but she refused to respond.
Nine months later, after no response, Father offered Mother time to meet with son, supervised by Father, for his birthday at a restaurant, and she accepted. Afterward, Father asked Mother to meet with him with mediation to work out a safety plan and regular parenting time, but Mother refused to respond. At times, their son had regressed and sexualized behaviors came out. Father continued counseling and has been working through the issues. Since then, son has been in counseling and is now, otherwise, a happy young boy, although at times, understandably, misses his mom. Father and son have since been doing fairly well, on their own.
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My experience with PA began long before my marriage ended in divorce. My wife was always a very strong personality, and someone who always wanted to be in control of every situation and every relationship. Over the years of my marriage, my wife slowly drove a wedge between me and my friends, at least those friends she couldn’t also claim as her own. She also drove a wedge between me and my family. Her propaganda and outbursts had successfully alienated me from my mother, who I barely spoke to or acknowledged for many years. My family was placed in a lower priority tier under her own. We would always go to her family for holidays ignoring any invitations from my own. The times when we did arrange get-togethers, inevitably some big drama would unfold to ruin the experience. It became easier to let these relationships slip away than to suffer the discomfort of trying to maintain them in her presence.
As for my two daughters, my wife liked to know I was involved, and I was, but ultimately she wanted to call the shots. Being that my job kept me out of the house for long hours each day, I was happy to let her take the lead. What I didn’t realize at the time was that she was slowly but surely chipping away at my bond with my daughters. Near the end of my 17 year marriage, her attacks against my character and my ability to father were loud, awful, and frequent. I went into my divorce believing that I was indeed a bad father, and I was determined to not make any waves. I rolled over and pretended, with her encouragement, that we would create a harmonious family of divorce that still hung out together, even though dad did not live at home. We had shared legal custody, but she had full physical custody. I agreed to this, partly out of fear of her wrath if I dare oppose. She came from a very wealthy family and was very comfortable wielding that money through her lawyers. It’s important to note that my wife was the primary bread winner for most of our marriage, as she worked for her parents in a very lucrative family business. She was the owner and president of that business when we divorced. Under California law, I could’ve claimed half, but I walked away without asking for a dime.
The post-divorce years were a huge learning curve for me. My ex instantly started a new relationship and was remarried within two years. When I started dating, she insisted on “interviewing” my girlfriend to determine if she was safe to be around my daughter. I actually allowed this interview to happen. As that relationship progressed, my ex became more active in manipulating my daughters’ pov. She invited my girlfriend and her young son to join us for my daughter’s b-day party, but then made a huge scene when I allowed the young son to sit on my knee. She started telling my daughters that I was now the father to my girlfriend’s son (he had a very loving father of his own and did not need me, btw). When I introduced my girlfriend to some old college friends without her permission, my ex punished me by taking away visitation and telling them that their dad “no longer cared about how anyone feels.” Whenever my ex did offer up some visitation time, it was always at the last minute and designed to interrupt any plans I had already made, and of course I’d have to drop everything in order to agree to the visitation or risk my ex using it against me with my daughters if I declined.
My girlfriend saw what I couldn’t see and encouraged me to see a therapist. Eventually I realized how unhealthy my relationship was with my ex, and I realized that she did not have the right to withhold my daughters from me the way that she had. I initiated a dialogue to convince her to allow a reasonable and structured visitation schedule, but she refused. I eventually took her to court, and the judge immediately ordered a traditional schedule with visitation every other weekend. My ex ruined most of that visitation by synchronizing sports practices with that time, with teams that were COACHED by the STEPFATHER. My visitation became SHARED visitation because every weekend my daughter would have some sports commitment. If I were to refuse to let my daughter participate, I would have only vilified myself in the process – as a dad who didn’t care about his daughter’s interests and priorities.
Then I threw an enormous wrench into my situation when my battle with alcoholism, and my growing frustration with the visitation debacle, culminated in an unfortunate emotional explosion, in front of my daughter, where I verbally berated my ex and her husband. With that, I handed my ex the one weapon she needed to keep me away for good, and I painted a picture of my character that served to confirm for my daughters that dad really must be a bad guy.
Now I am 2.5 years sober. My girlfriend is now my wife, and we all live in a house just a few miles from my ex. My oldest (22) hasn’t spoken to me in years and refuses any contact, though I reach out to her on a regular basis with letters and notes to remind her that I love her. The family court has done NOTHING to remove the legal barriers between me and my youngest, despite the fact that there is no justifiable reason for me to not be part of her life. The judge strongly encouraged reunification therapy for me and my youngest daughter, but my ex and my daughter have refused, and I know that therapy is pointless unless all the participants are invested. I’ve been an executive with a major entertainment company for over 15 years. I’m active in AA and meet with my sponsor on a regular basis. I own a home, which still has a lovely room reserved for my daughter. I pay child support, provide health insurance, and share legal custody for a daughter I cannot see. I’m allowed to send her two letters a month, with no promise of a letter in return. The only letter I’ve ever received from her was a note saying she would not read my letters. I’m not allowed to approach my daughter or attend any function where she may be present. I have but one mark in my criminal record – a DUI that occurred the night of my meltdown – 2.5 years ago. I’ve had one 45 minute, supervised, visitation with my daughter about a year and a half ago. In that meeting, I apologized profusely about how I’d behaved on the night of my meltdown, and I explained the efforts I’d taken to make sure that she never sees her dad that way again. We both cried. She hugged me and said “I love you” before she walked out the door. She was 12. That was the last exchange I’ve had with her. She turned 14 just last month.
The fact is that this “synopsis” really only scratches the surface of my journey. So many details and layers have been excluded for the sake of brevity. I hope my story connects with some of you. I felt it was important to be transparent in how my own behavior played into my current situation. Nobody is perfect. While I can and do acknowledge my shortcomings, I also know that I did not deserve to be excised from my daughters’ lives the way that I have been. My daughters deserve their father. I have a lot to offer them. Today I have a new and wonderful relationship with my mother, my father, my sister, and many old friends who have come back into my life.
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I raised four children, currently aged 33 to 28. They are all happily married and contributing members of society. From the surface, they are all well adjusted, but my daughter chose to cut off all contact between her family and me. When her children were born, they stayed at my house two nights a week. I kept my mouth shut concerning her questionable parenting choices, even when all three got whooping cough. The youngest was 11 months and suffered for three months. At the beginning of this year, she put the kids on a very restricted fad diet that does not meet any of the guidelines set by pediatricians or nutritionists. I was very vocal in my objections, and I admit I broke the diet by giving them whole grain bread and no-sugar peanut butter. She cut me off, even though I have apologized and suggested that we could get together, with her alone or with the kids, and not have any food involved. She is clearly punishing me for not agreeing with her peculiar ideas and shows no mercy, whisking the kids off if we happen to bump into each other so that sometimes I can't even give them a hug. The kids ask each time if they can come to my house, but she refuses. It is heartbreaking. I have asked my other children not to get involved because I don't want her to cut them off as well. This holiday season will be a very lonely one, I am afraid. These are my only grandchildren, although happily my son and his wife are expecting in April. Unfortunately, they live far away.
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In my state, there is a grandparent visitation law, but after 2 years (and 2 different lawyers) and thousands of dollars, I only see my grandson for about 3 hours once a month with his mother "supervising". My husband who has been in my grandson's life from minute #1 (he was waiting outside the delivery room) has not been allowed to see our grandson in over 2 and 1/2 years. Our grandson has not seen any family except me for 2 and 1/2 years. When I see him he asks about his cousins, great grandmothers, - I'm heartbroken that he can't see them. His 9th birthday is this week. He invited my husband and I to his house for his birthday but was quickly "shot down" by his mother. When I gave him his present and a card we made (with pictures of us holding him) he started to cry. He said "It's a beautiful card Nana". My daughter and grandson are living with her "boyfriend". We have been told many stories (by our daughter) about how abusive and controlling this man is. Yet she continues to live with him and isolate her son from family that love him and live within the state. The judge basically told me that the mother has the supreme court right to decide what is in the best interest for her child. The judge had ordered 5 hours unsupervised visits but my daughter refused. The longer this goes on, the more we worry about the emotional well being of our grandson. He lived with us for 3 years and before that he visited every week and stayed overnight about once a month. The only reason we can think of why we can't see our grandson alone is that on 2 occasions DCF was contacted for violence in the boyfriend's house. Since nothing was proven, the 2 reports were dropped. It seems every time I tell my story, there is a grandparent who is going through the same thing. I know of at least 8 families who can't see their grandchildren. Thank you for all you are doing. Someday these children will wonder why they didn't see their grandparents. At least they will know we tried. Take care and God bless you!
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My hell started the day I met my exes new girlfriend (now wife). My ex and I have been divorced since 2002 with minimal issues but looking back I see the narcissistic person he has always been but did not see. When he hooked up with this woman, who is also nacissistic and very controling, things changed in an instant! We have three children, 24 years old, 19 years old and a 17 year old. My 19 year old moved in with me and the 24 year old the day before her dad married due to issues with the situation at their house. About a month later my then 15 year old moved in with me after finding out several lies told to her by her dad and his new wife. She found out from her siblings....not me. Shortly after she moved in with me their dad just totally abandonded them and would only see them if his wife was there, which is the only thing the kids did not want. After about a year of this nonsense and emotional craziness due to their dad just avoiding them and severing all contact in any way, plus the fact they were emotional teenagers anyway, my youngest had a melt down and wanted to commit suicide. For her sake the parents and stepparents tried to let go of past issues and be a "unit" to help the kids. My daughter (the youngest) went into a psychiatric hospital for a couple of months due to severe depression. Just after she was discharged, she went to live with her dad because I was mentally trashed dealing with the craziness going on while their dad abandonded them. By this time my adult children are living on their own. All parents/stepparents were working well together until I pissed off the new wife, then I lose ALL contact in any way, shape, form. They even went to the school she attended and illegally red flagged me so I could not have access to her education! I took our JOINTcustody papers to the school and the red flad was taken off after their attorney looked at the documents I brought. When she was discharged from the hospital, she was loving with all four of us and now she hates me (thanks to them!) I finally got a court order based on PAS for immediate reunification therapy but I fear it's too late because our first joint session was December 16, 2014 and she said she wants nothing to do with me. Would not even turn her head so I could see her hair and refused to hug me. Not only have they alienated me from her, they have severed all ties with her brother and sister, as well as, my parents and cousins, etc. Even her old friends who were positive friends and has known most of her life. It's so sad. At this point, as a parent, it breaks my heart to miss her senior year and it also breaks my heart my older daughter didn't even finish high school due to the emotional stress she was under less than a month before her senior year started. That daughter was the "daddy's girl" and it hit her hard when he abandonded them. She has since gotten married without her dad and sister there, which broke her heart, and has moved to another city here in Oklahoma. Parental alienation is cruel and the alienators should be held accountable! They should not have the ability to determine if the other parent can be in their lives or not. I just know over a year ago my daughter was pleasant and loving to us all and we were slowly trying to get back to normal but I got cut out of everything and did nothing to her for this to be happening. My heart misses her every second of every minute of every day. I have had to take down pictures because it's too hard to see them. Personally this has been so hard and then I have two kids who have not only been abandonded by their dad but also lost their sister. He just gets away with it and I can do nothing. I feel like I have NO rights to this child that I carried for nine months and watched her grow up. What 's so jacked up is that I pissed HER off and HE allowed this to happen!
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OK, this is hard to do, it brings up many painful memories and the pain never goes away.
I was married for 19 years. We had 3 children when he approached me for the second time in a year that I should move out. He said our marriage wasn't working and if I moved out we could "date" and "get to know each other again".
We had our home business and it was finally at the point of making a profit. It made more sense for me to move out, in my mind, because all work equipment was based there.
So, I moved out, 3 weeks later I was replaced. (He was having a very serious affair, I found out) Next thing I know I have a certified letter stating he is moving out of state with the kids. And his girlfriend happened to live there. They would drive back and forth to see each other.
This is when I got an attorney. The move was stopped. Then his girlfriend, now wife and her kids, moved in with ex.
We both got 50/50 physical and legal custody. He began to tell my then, 12 year old son that if I would just tell the judge they would be able to move and life would be better. They would have more things and live by the beach. My son began to be very defiant towards me and hateful. Screaming at me, telling me I don't let him make his own choices but his dad does. My exes attorney, at next court date, asked for a GAL.
The GAL did not do a home visit and interviewed me 1 time 2 days before next court date, this was a contempt hearing for ex.
My exes attorney withdrew from the case. He had a month to get a new attorney, but waited until last minute and new attorney wanted a continuance. So, it was granted. In the meantime, my children are being told by their dad that only he cares about their choices and that is why he got them an attorney. (GAL). Son was becoming more and more defiant. A year has passed. He is now 13, court is still waiting because now his attorney wants to depose me. Granted...more stalling.
I was deposed and my attorney then deposed ex.
My ex was caught in lie after lie.
I was finally depleted of funds. GAL still recommended 50/50 but my now 13 year old refused to come over and when he did, he would throw stuff, tell me he hates me, then call his dad and his dad and future stepmother would come get him and whisper in his ear in front of me. My youngest, that was 11 at the time saw all of this.
A year later, ex still not abiding by any court orders, custody was not enforced by the police, I was, in fact, asked to leave my exes home (I was outside) when I was trying to pick up my child.
In the divorce agreement I was to get a vehicle (he kept an SUV, Truck, a work Van and a jeep and the home).
He had someone steal my car (while he was out of town) kept telling me it was going to get repossessed. I called the police, no repossessions. The police called my ex and he said the car wasn't stolen. It will stay in his name until he pays it off, so police couldn't do anything, even though court order said it is mine and I get title when it is paid off.
But, it made my ex nervous, so whoever stole it, brought it back the next morning.
Again, funds depleted, my attorney wouldn't go back to court with me. Why a person has to pay to go to court because the other person is not following court orders is beyond me.
My attorney did help me modify the divorce agreement for me to have full physical custody of the youngest and ex to have full custody of the now 14 year old. We both have legal custody of both kids.
By this time, my oldest daughter is 20 and completely not talking to me. She was told that I made the judge tell my ex to take her off life insurance... When in fact the judge ordered him to have life insurance on the minors. Nobody said he couldn't have life insurance on her. She's been told many untruths.
The now stepmom has, in the past two years, taken my kids to the dentist and doctor without telling me. I'd find out when bill was mailed to me. She took my now 14 year old to get all 4 of his wisdom teeth taken out without my knowledge.
I now have 2 of 3 kids not talking to me because of disparing remarks, belittling my authority as a parent and lying and eavesdropping, blocking me from the kids cell phones so I had no way to contact them, except meet him off the bus for 5 min.
It took 2 years of court delays for 2/3 children to be strangers to me, to not want to see me. 2 years of no orders being followed by my ex. 2 years of a child's brain development being harmed because of being put through the stress of divorce and the stress of being taught to hate me. 2 years of BRAIN DEVELOPMENT.... Stress changes chemicals in the brain and cannot develop properly.
2 years and my son that I no longer have or see, is failing school. All F's except in weight lifting.
2 years of not obeying any court orders and I am helpless.
BTW, the son that lives with me is thriving. His grades are good, he plays soccer, he is 12 now and has a goal to go to Stanford and play soccer on their team.
2 years lost with my other children and all I did was trust and obey court orders.
Why is this allowed? What is the point of a judges signature if the orders are not followed?
Believe me, the kids are watching, they know the court orders are not being followed. They learn to disrespect a parent and they learn to disrespect the law. Is this what we want for our future?
There is so much more, this is a condensed version of the nightmare my kids and I have been put through.
The state granted custody of my two children ages 3 and 8 to an a narcissistic adulterer who neglects, mentally abuses them, leaves them in the care of people who physically and mentally abuse them. Why? Because of a corrupt court system. The court then granted permission for this man to move them 800 miles away from their their home where they have lived since birth. The home of their mother, family, and friends. This man continues to deny visitation and there is no law in place to stop him from this abuse.
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My husband and I are and have been happily married for almost 31 years. We raised a son who just turned 30 and a daughter who is 27. We have a very small extended family - our children have two uncles that are unmarried and no first cousins. We did everything together as a family.
Our relationship with our son took a turn for the worse when, as an army lieutenant our son was assigned to a post in Colorado and his girlfriend at the time followed him there to live with him. Our son married that young woman three years ago, and they have a daughter who just turned 2 years old. Our relationship has continued to become emotionally distant even though they have relocated only 1.5 hours from where we live. Our son's wife is from a blended family with seven children. They seem to be very involved with her family. We have probably seen our granddaughter less than 10 times. We last saw our son and his family in April on Easter. Shortly thereafter when we tried to make plans with them - even just to grab coffee or breakfast, they indicated that they "really didn't have time". Our son telephoned us on Father's Day in June to inform us that they decided to become more emotionally distant from us because we were a negative influence on their lives. Although he repeatedly told us that he loved us very much, he asked us not to contact him. He told us that they were "praying for our relationship" and that they would contact us when they were ready. I telephoned him on his birthday and left a message wishing him a happy birthday and to let him know I was thinking of him. We received an email from him reminding us to respect their space, remind us they would contact us when they were ready, and stating that they loved us very much.
We continue to have a healthy relationship with our daughter and her fiance despite the fact that she does not live close by. Our son's relationship with our daughter is also broken. Our daughter was not included in our son's wedding which hurt her very much. Although she was asked to be our son's daughter's godmother and flew home for the celebration, they barely spoke to her at the event. Our children's communication with each other is nonexistent.
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I am an alienated mom of 3, who has been in and out of court regularly for 12 years because of narcissistic, abusive, and personality-disorder-diagnosed ex husband (and his family). He has not only alienated the children, one at a time, from me and my family and our neighbors, but also moved to another county. The courts have allowed our children to be flip flopped back and forth, with me having full custody several times, and the attorneys, judges, magistrates manipulating the system, and neglecting facts and evidences. It is a mess. For the past 2 years, we all have been 100% alienated from the 3 children :(
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We as Family were so close ,my husband i and our handsome Sons,two our precious miracles from God.We did have a struggle,they were born with heart problems,I stayed home while my husband worked as engineer.After making sure that they are healthy and doing great we travel...our Sons became famous singers,sportsman and businessman...we never stood on their way towards any dreams or life partners,because we raised them with Christian values to respect everyone and bless everyone! Our son had a girlfriend which he grown to be fun off...we were happy for him...she was sweet,charming and helpful...toward his marriage she changed to violent,grumpy,moody,selfish...after ceremony she avoided us slowly and than after they had a baby boy cut us off for life...Son says that she made him choose us or baby...we are lost and I cry daily,have an early Alzheimer now and my husband serious heart problem,we see second Son...yet she calls family of ours and slander us behind our backs...we pray for his return to Lord...she scratched our Son on face,our Grandson on back...we went to Social worker because I suffered nervous breakdown...worker called child services...now our in law daughter says to whole family and friends that we did that...we are innocent...this is evil and only Lord could help us...our Son still has a heart problem,we are still and praying...Mama
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My children were kidnapped May 14,2007. This is domestic terrorism as I am and was in the military at the time. The kidnapper is a registered Conscientious Objector. The children and my wife were taken in defiance of a military order declaring myself as permanent guardian of my children due to the inability as declared by my wife that her permanent medical , physical, and emotional health prohibited her from caring for my children. This would make the children being in an endangered environment and cause them to be neglected. This being the case, approval was given through the Army Adjutant General and through Trial and Defense for a permanent Hardship with Dependency Discharge issued December 23,2004. I am sick of being told I did not have custody. My wife and I were married at the time and only after her parents forced her to leave with them or not see the children again; did any court other than the Army Administrative Court make any custody arrangements. This was in lieu of a crime committed as referenced above. Also, the Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act overrides according to Article VI of the US Constitution which falls under the Supremacy Clause. Therefore, kidnapping charges need to be pressed and my children returned immediately. Also, conspiracy against a federal employee charges need to be pressed. I just reached my 19th year in the military and this is becoming an outrageous hate and descrmination against the military not just myself.
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In a week it will be 5 years since my daughter alienated me from her and my granddaughters. She is my youngest child, we were more like best friends than mother and daughter. I had been divorced for years, had decided I wouldn't get married again till all three were out of the home. Over the years if I got serious about someone, she would manage to break us up. So when the love of my life contacted me, after over 15 years it was the happiest time for me. Because I didn't want to marry until she was in college, when he got a new job 4 hours away I didn't want to uproot her since she was a sophomore in high school. She got pregnant her first year of college, came home and did online classes. A year later she went back to college with my granddaughter and graduated. She married and had two more beautiful granddaughters, which I was in the room for their births. I was in a position that allowed me freedom to come and go at my job. So if the girls were sick, babysitter problems, out of school, needed taken or picked up from school I did it so she wouldn't have to leave work. I usually would have them overnight at least 2-3 times a week, would take her, her husband and granddaughters to supper once a week. I didn't let her around him because I knew she would somehow break us up too. She told me I stunk when it came to men, all I needed was her and the granddaughters. So when we got engaged, she was angry and her family were the only ones who didn't come to our wedding. I moved an hour away for our jobs. After we married I went from being the super Mom/Nana to a horrible, not allowed to be around the granddaughters. She would let me see them 1-2 times a year, for about an hour. My heart was broken, I cried all the time. My husband felt so bad, and still does because of it. I met with an attorney after a year and half of this, and no end in sight. He said I needed to file for Grandparents rights very soon or the court would think I didn't care about the granddaughters. Went to court, won visitation, which she won't abide by, so went back and Judge said if I wanted he would put her in jail. Well I didn't want that, the granddaughters wouldn't understand. Couple months ago I answered my door and was served with a restraining order because she felt I was going to do physical harm to her. I have NEVER touched her or even threatened her!! I'm waiting to get the paperwork on what she said to get the temporary order. And my Attorney said we will file against her once we know. I've started a savings account for the girls, have saved everything from court so they know I didn't dump them for a man and didn't want them in my life. That's what they have been told by her. I sent a valentines gift to the oldest one at school and sent a note that said I Love her and her sisters...always have and always will!! Haven't heard anything from my daughter, so don't know if granddaughter took it home or not.
I've decided I'm not going to be intimidated by her, I'm going to find out when the granddaughters have activities and go to all of them I can and talk to the girls if possible!!
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Being a bonus parent is not an easy thing. Especially when the other side is not as collaborative as you are. You willingly open up your heart to love just as much as you love those you birthed. You cannot always control the outcome, and this is one of those times. I am upset and my heart hearts.
The following letter has been written to give some closure to me and my family, and to help people that are possibly going through the same thing. Being apart, and going through a situation that you have no control over, but are fully invested, emotionally, financially, etc. is harrowing. This letter is to provide advice to a child (and parent of a child) who has been estranged and alienated from an entire section of her family, friends and family of family, etc. to the point she will not look at or talk to anyone in social settings, out in public, texting, phone calls, or anything else. All with no just cause.
This situation has been an absolute crap storm from day one, however I have only been a part of it for 6 ½ years. The amount of hurt, havoc and destruction and alienation that can be caused on people is unreal and almost unbelievable unless it is something you go through and witness first hand.
To the estranged, alienated child,
Seeing that the documents have been signed, (the first set of papers left all doors open to continue the loving relationship from your blood and extended family.) It stated you can talk and come around when you saw fit, your mother took all of that out, and changed it; I have both sets if you would ever like to see the wording. Since you have ignored your entire family, friends, etc. for over 15 months, this will be the last time that I reach out. There are a few things that you need to know.
1. Every decision in life that you make, good bad or indifferent, there is a consequence. Please stop blaming others, YOU made this decision. The decision to abandon every person who has loved you, has cared for you, done for you, and been there for you (when allowed) for the last 15 years. It was YOUR decision to abandon them as well. When you make a decision, you cannot go through life blaming others. There is always an option for you to own up to it and offer apologies. But blame will never set you free.
2. There are at least 2 sides to every story. Always be willing to hear both sides fairly, give yourself time to think about it and then draw your conclusion. To only listen to one, you will NEVER know the whole truth.
3. It is NEVER OK for a grown man, especially one that is not related to you, to go into doctors’ offices with you for your physical. It is also NEVER OK for a grown, non-related man, to go to dance picture day, where children are changing, with a teenager. Set boundaries for yourself and respect yourself enough to enforce them. If it feels wrong, TELL SOMEONE. A teacher, a school counselor, a coach, SOMEONE.
4. When you make a decision about something, stick with it and defend it with your entire soul. Telling someone to speak for you is cowardice and it does not convey how you truly feel.
5. In life, ignoring and hiding from things will NOT fix them, not ever. You have to comfortable dealing with life.
6. Find friends, and good ones. Honest, caring, wonderful people that will help you get through life, you are going to need all the outside support you can get.
7. You are going to get yelled at through life, A LOT. From your bosses, your coaches, your friends, your family, etc. You better toughen up that skin or you aren’t going to get very far.
8. I sold your clothes, the Under Armour, PINK and North Face, I donated the rest. NO ONE else, ME. It was not fair for the other kids to be sad asking question after question because you would not respond. So, I made the decision. Please understand that your siblings love you and seeing your stuff brought them more pain.
9. It was my decision to pack your personal things and send them to you. NO ONE else. Again, it wasn’t fair to MY children, your siblings, to be constantly reminded that someone left them, for no reason.
10. In the Bible there are a bunch of verses I suggest you check out, they are VERY relevant to your life. 1 Cor 13: 4-7. Love for you it was carried us through this, I pray one day you will understand the magnitude of a parents love.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
In closing I truly wish you the best. For the last 6 ½ years I have watched you grow, I cheered you on, encouraged you and opened up your horizons. Yes, you have hurt me, a lot too, but I always treated you like you were my daughter and I will mourn that loss.
Understand, that I will have to look into your siblings eyes and see the hurt that this situation has caused, but we will all take this as a learning experience. I feel sorry for them, but I feel so much worse for you, because you truly do not realize. There will be a day when you fully understand what has happened and you will regret what you have done. You will see how much you lost with the decisions you have made, and for that I truly feel bad for you. Good luck.
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